Cynthia Lok

[00:00:00] You're listening to a podcast from Hope FM. And then he said, you don't think that I know all the fights that you had with me, like how much that you wanted to run, like run away from the church and just run away from the pain, but God told you to stay. The Artist Interview Podcast with Gordon T. Hey, this is Cynthia Lok and this is my episode on The Artist Interview on Hope FM.

[00:00:59] And that was already done by Cynthia Lok featuring Kay Antony. Hey, Cynthia, great to welcome you to the show. Our first time chatting, lovely to have you here. Where are you in the world? I am in British Columbia in Vancouver, North Vancouver to be specific. Cool. Now, I have looked on a map, so I do know where that is. It's the sort of west side of Canada and has some absolutely beautiful scenery around it as well.

[00:01:27] So, lovely place to be. Have you always lived there? Yes, born and raised. Okay, so let's find out a bit about your story. But before we do, that song we've just played, Already Done, can you just tell us a little bit about it? Yeah, so basically, I've been a Christian for about, I don't know how many years, over 20 years. And, you know, we go through our ups and downs and 2020 was a really difficult season for me. A lot of things happened, I think, for a lot of people. Yeah.

[00:01:57] Yeah, so like in that, in March in particular, I had my daughter, she was two and a half at the time. A few accidents happened to her. She broke her foot, number one. And then a week after that, I accidentally spilled boiling hot water all over her. And I had to go to the hospital to get her wounds treated. And then a week after that, it was COVID. So, like literally, it was like back to back. Yeah.

[00:02:24] And so, God used all of those events to like expose things in my life that were not healthy. And so, like at that time, like I reacted really negatively. I spiraled into depression. I had like fits of anger and rage. Like it was just, it was very bad.

[00:02:46] I think all of these events exposed generational strongholds and trauma that I had in my childhood that I thought were healed. But I think the Lord was just using all of those events to like bring things to light. And so, yeah, I started a journey of therapy and freedom session. And also during this time, I felt the Lord lead us to move churches as well.

[00:03:15] So, we moved. Well, what? During COVID, you moved churches? Yeah. Like, well, it was 2021. So, it was like in this three and a half year span. It was like a three and a half, four year like journey where God was doing a lot. But so, 2020 was all the accidents. 2021 felt like the Lord asked us to move churches. And then that was a whole transition as well. Because I thought that like, you know, all the dreams and all the things that God spoke over my life over about singing and leading worship.

[00:03:45] They were all going to happen at this church. Because the pastor and the director also had like similar words over the church. And so, they were saying, yeah, yeah, God, we believe he brought you here so that we could do them all together. But then that didn't happen. It was completely the opposite. Like, I'm not, even right now, I'm not one of the main worship leaders. And, you know, we're not singing my songs. Versus in the other church I was a part of for like 25 years.

[00:04:14] I was the worship director. And like, I could sing my own songs and stuff. So, I'm just giving like the backdrop for this. Yeah, that's interesting. For this story, for this song. And then also in that time in 2021, my husband, who was a believer, he was a believer for 20 years. And he served in the church, had encounters with the Lord. He decided, he's just like, I don't believe in Jesus anymore. I don't believe he's real. And he stopped going to the church. And I was like so crushed.

[00:04:43] Like, I had all of this stuff happen in a span of like, you know, all that stuff in 2020. And then in 2021, it was moving churches, not being able to use my giftings. And then my husband walking away from the Lord. And I was just like, I was, it was like everything all at once. And I was like, what is happening, Lord? And like, you know, I had a dream. Like, my dream was to serve the Lord with my family. Like, as for me and my household, we will serve and love the Lord. Like, that was like what I wanted.

[00:05:12] And then he walked away from the Lord. And I was just like, what is happening, God? And I felt like, you know, everything got exposed. And yeah. And so therefore, did the therapy sessions, did freedom session. And like, God, like he, he used all of those things to rebuild the ruins of my life. And like, I'm standing here today. You know, it's been, it's been six, six years since 2020.

[00:05:40] But yeah, it was about a four, three and a half year journey with all the healing. But he healed our marriage. Like he healed our marriage. Like my relationships with my children are like restored. My relationship with my parents are restored. I'm no longer, no more depression, no more fits of rage. Like all of that, like God healed, like completely. My husband at this moment, he's still an unbeliever.

[00:06:07] But I can tell you that like the Lord has, like, I love him. I accept him. Like I'm praying for him. I'm fasting for him. Like, but our marriage, like literally God turned, I know this is not the song you're featuring, but he turned the bitter into sweet. Um, and this song already done also came from this season. So, um, and I'll tell the story.

[00:06:29] So in 2023, um, there's a, um, I had a really, uh, hard talk with my worship director. Cause he, he was saying like, Hey, Cynthia, like, how are you feeling about not being one of the main worship leaders? Um, and like, you know, not being able to like sing your own songs. And, you know, I was, I told him honestly, I'm like, it's, it's hard, but I'm like, you know, continually bringing it to the Lord.

[00:06:55] Um, but having that conversation with him, I think like just really opened up a lot, like more pain. Like I ended up crying for 10 hours on that day. It was, it was May, 2023. And I was crying for 10 hours. And I was like, well, it's so painful. Cause I felt like I was, you know, not walking in what I, what God called me to do. And I was really struggling with my identity. Like I, I just, you know, like I missed leading worship. I felt like more significant and important when I was leading worship and being able

[00:07:25] to do, to use my giftings and all that. And then, um, and I was saying to God, like God, um, I know that there's like a prophetic person coming like in five days on Sunday. And like, I'm like, Lord, if you want to, you can, you can talk to me through him. Like if you want to, you can, but if you don't, then I know that you've given me the grace to continue staying in this church. Cause it's a, it's a long story.

[00:07:51] God called me and told me like specifically to stay in my particular church. Like he, and then that's like a whole other story. Um, so I knew to be obedient to him. I needed to stay in this church, but it was very painful because it was like, I couldn't use my giftings and you know, all that kind of stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So fast forward five days, it's mother's day, mother's day, May, 2023.

[00:08:15] And I'm like standing in the congregation and like, um, the prophetic person, um, our church really honors and values him. Like this person has been walking with our church for like a decade or so. He starts pointing in my direction and I'm hiding behind someone like pretty tall. And he's like, are you understanding why God closed certain doors? And I'm like, are you talking to me? And he's like, yes. And I'm like, okay.

[00:08:43] Uh, and he's like, there's a reason why God closes the door and shuts certain things off. And I say this with love. You would have absolutely destroyed all of the beautiful things that God is about to bring into your life. You wouldn't have understood the fullness of everything that God has for you. If he didn't stop you in these last couple of years. Wow. And then he said, um, yeah, it was like powerful. And then he said, um, like, don't let the enemy.

[00:09:13] And this is where the song comes. Don't let the enemy say that it's over. Don't let the enemy say that you're done. And don't let the enemy pressure you for performance. God is like working on your heart and he's continually working in your heart. And there's just a little bit of that healing and that deliverance, just a little bit left that he's taking out. Um, and then he said, you don't think that I know all the fights that you had with me,

[00:09:41] like how much that you wanted to run, like run away, like from the church and like just run away from the pain, uh, but God told you to stay. And so like, that was like, like the Lord just encountered me. Like I was like breaking down in tears because like this person had no idea that I was like crying my head off five days earlier. And like, you know, I, I was having conversations with God. I'm like, like, okay, I'm just going to like, you know, during this time, like from 2020 to

[00:10:10] 2023, I was just like, okay, fine. I'm just going to like disappear. Like, I guess I'm never going to use my like giftings again. Like I'm just going to hide and just whatever watching it. It's like, no, so it's just like the, this pastor. Yeah. Just like really spoke, um, God's heart and love just like at the right moment. And, um, that's where a part of the song already done has come from. It's like, it's not over. I'm singing in the wrong key, but it's not done.

[00:10:41] It's already done. Yeah. And so like in God's timeline and then like, you know, it's just like, because of the finished work of the cross, because of the blood of Christ, like in God's timeline, it is already done. Like everything is done. Like even, you know, and I'm, I'm like worried about my family and like even with Hanson, but like, you know, I'm contending and praying for him, but, um, like he's in the Lord's hands.

[00:11:07] Um, but yeah, in God's timeline, it's, it's already done. Wow. I, uh, I talked a lot. I know. I'm glad you did that. That's why we're here. We're here. We're here to hear your story. So that I'm normally, normally I, I, in fact, sometimes I don't even ask at all about that first song, but, and we, and we were discussing before you came on, we were discussing the order of songs. We only just, just a moment ago, Chocho's already done first. And I'm glad I asked you about it and I'm glad that you shared. So I've got, and also one thing was you said that I can ask any question.

[00:11:37] Nothing is off limits. You're quite happy for me to ask. So I've got, I've got two questions about this. The first one is for those people who maybe just tune into the station by mistake, uh, and they don't know quite what we're talking about, but it sounds a bit, a bit interesting, but also maybe a bit weird. You mentioned somebody who came who was a prophet. Can you describe for people who don't know, what do you mean when you say that someone's a prophet? Oh, well, okay. A prophetic person is meant to encourage and edify and comfort the body of Christ.

[00:12:04] Uh, so this particular person, I don't even know this person. Um, and so like the Lord gave him the gift to be able to like, know what I was going through and like what I needed to hear. And so like, that is like a prophetic gifting. Um, and so, yeah, like, cause I was, you know, um, five days earlier, I've never met this person. So he has no idea that I was like crying and talking to God about this particular issue.

[00:12:31] And so this person has prophetic gifting. He was like, the Lord told him about me in particular. And he spoke words that I needed to hear. And I felt God's comfort. I felt his love. And I felt, yeah, I just, I felt so seen. Like he read my mind. Like it's like he was, he wasn't physically there, but he, it's like he was there when I was crying for 10 hours and like crying out to God.

[00:13:02] Yes. So he, so he, he clearly wasn't there, but God was, and God heard and saw and knows you so well and, and knew that that was a moment to speak. So, so it was someone revealing God's heart in the situation, I guess. So that makes, that makes, to me, that makes loads of sense for people listening who maybe go, I didn't know God spoke today. Maybe it's a bit of a, a bit of an eye opener because God is speaking today. Absolutely. So that's, that's amazing.

[00:13:28] My, my next question, I think, I think it's harder, but, um, it's about, it's about rage because you mentioned rage and anger. You mentioned about that. And obviously you and your husband, it sounds like you're really, really going with God. For your relationship from, from your side. And obviously your husband's in a really tricky place. Were there, I don't even know how to ask this because it's so personal, but I hope it's okay. So, so were there times before where fits of rage boiled over and you were abusive to your husband? Fits of rage, like during that time as well.

[00:13:57] Like when I was really feeling really stressed and overwhelmed, like what the kids were young, like, um, my daughter was two and a half at the time. And then I think my, and then my son was like about like, yeah, like five, five, five and a half. Um, and so like, you know, I'd want to work or like, I'd want to work on like songwriting or like whatever. And I felt like all anxious about, um, like I need to get my hours in so I can be good, you know, like it's just, or just even being able to work and like just not being interrupted by kids.

[00:14:25] Um, and I would feel like if they weren't like doing, you know, according to schedule or like, and of course. Yeah. Kids don't do that sometimes, do they? Yeah. But I think this time, like it just really like all the ugliness, like just really came out. I was, I was so shocked and ashamed of like what was coming out of me. I was like, wow, this is like, Jesus, I really, I need your blood like to cleanse me. So like, I would be so angry that I would like, I would just slam things. Like I would slam the door.

[00:14:53] I would like slam the kettle on the, on the, like I wouldn't hit, I wouldn't, I did not thankfully like hit my children or anything. Um, it was just like slam things. Yeah. It's really interesting to hear. And I'm, and thank you for your honesty on that as well. It was a question you probably did not expect when we came to talk about your music, but it's, but it's, I think there's, there's a danger that within the church, we try to be good and we keep things so hidden.

[00:15:20] And it's actually really helpful people to hear that here you are, someone who's following God, loves, loves God, wants to use your gifts. And yet also there's stuff that, that is painful from your past, all sorts of things that that's coming out. I knew you said it was all coming out to a head. And I was like, whoa, I want to take that back. Yeah. There was one other thing I'll share. Um, so Hanson, Hanson's my husband, his parents, um, during the COVID time, they said they didn't want to see us anymore.

[00:15:48] And like, they really helped a lot with the babysitting so that I could work. And like, they, um, I had old wounds from her, from the mother in the past. Um, but I forgave her and I thought it was all healed. Um, so she, in the past, she said like, you're like, you're a good person, but you're not good enough for my son. So like, that was like literally, you know, and I have a whole encounter like of God, like really healing me in that moment as well. Like this was before we were married. She said like, you're not good enough for my son. But then I thought it was all like healed and smoothed over.

[00:16:17] I thought, um, cause I was like, you know, I don't know, like maybe 2010 that the where she said those words. And then in 2020, she's like, I don't want to see you. And then I like took it as rejection. Like even, and they wanted to protect themselves rightfully so. Cause like they're older and they, you know, everyone's freaking out. They don't know what's going to happen with COVID. And then I was, and, but I like just took it as rejection.

[00:16:42] And then I was so bitter and angry at them that in my mind, like, you know, so this is all a mental, right? Like in my mind, like they don't know Jesus, you know, I've talked to them about Jesus before and I've like prayed for her in the past, but then in 2020, it turned to anger. And I was like, I like, I was so angry and I'm like, I want them to like, I don't care if they like don't receive Jesus. And if they go to hell, I don't care. Like they can burn in hell. Like literally this is happening in my mind.

[00:17:10] And I'm like, so this is like the rage and the bitterness. And I was like, Whoa, there is something wrong with me. Like, I'm like, Jesus, like I need, I need deliverance. Like that's, that's why I was like crying out. And that's why I started like therapy and like freedom session and all that. But, um, so yeah, that, that's really what happened like during that time. It was not pretty. No, I'm just saying, I'm, I'm really sorry that you've been through all that stuff and also that other people as well will obviously quite, maybe, maybe the kids were scared and

[00:17:38] things like that during, but, but, but God's been doing a healing work within you on a journey. And these things, these things can come out in people at any stage of their life as well. And lots of people carry stuff with them for their whole life because they never get the freedom that you're talking about. So, so what's that, what stage you at on your journey of healing and the change and the things that God's wanting to do within you? Yeah, I am. I can say that I am, I am healed.

[00:18:08] Like I am there. God has done so much healing. Like, so even three and a half years ago, like three years ago, like my husband, like out of his own mouth, he said, you are not the same person that you were three and a half years ago. Like you are so different. Like in a really good way. Like, so he, even though he doesn't acknowledge that God did the healing, it's God who did the healing. So yeah, marriage is completely healed. Like relationships with my parents are like, you know, they live next door. I'm like so grateful for them.

[00:18:36] Like, you know, I talked to them about all the, cause they, they've heard all these stories. So like, they're, they're like, are you over your childhood trauma? And I'm like, yes, mom. Cause like my mom went through childhood trauma as well. Oh, we, we, we probably need to find out about your childhood trauma, I guess. So, you know, I'm going to do it. I'm going to, I'm going to pause. I'm going to pause because I want to give us opportunity just to find out a bit about your background timeline, if that's helpful. Cause normally we start somewhere at the beginning. We've just jumped in to recent times. So, so you were brought up in the church.

[00:19:06] You brought up in the church, your parents were churchgoers from, from a very young age. Yes. And at what point, what point in your life did Jesus actually start to be very significant to you? Do you have some sort of encounter with God or, or how, how did you declare yourself to be a Christian rather than just to being your parents faith? Yeah. So my parents, I, so I grew up in the church, like I went to Sunday school. So I just like, you know, I just followed my parents. But it wasn't until like maybe 2002 or something like that.

[00:19:35] Roughly how old were you at that point? I was, uh, I was like 19, 18. So like at the time I was, um, dating someone and he was, it was so unhealthy. Cause like, I just wanted to be with him all the time. And I cut off all of my friends and like, I just, yeah, it was very unhealthy. And my mom, she was really concerned. And so she, um, the pastor encouraged her, it's like, just pray for her. Like, so they gathered and they prayed for me. Um, and then at one point my boyfriend had to go back to Indonesia.

[00:20:05] That's where I'm from. I'm Indonesian, um, but Chinese Indonesian. So my parents are from Indonesia. So he had to go back to Indonesia to get surgery for something. And then it was during that time where like, God just got my heart. Like I just started to, um, you know, notice people who had a relationship with God. Um, and they were like hungry for God and on fire. And they were, you know, they were talking about God. Like you could, like he was a friend and you could talk to him. Right.

[00:20:33] And so I was like, okay, God, if you're real, I want what they have. Give me what they have. Um, whatever that is. And then, so like what ended up happening was like, I'd be sitting in service and then the sermons would like really touch my heart. And I'd start crying for the first time. Cause this never happened. Like I grew up in the church and I just, you know, I just, um, so the sermon started touching my heart. I was crying. Like there was one time I really remember I was in my room and I was playing, um, Darlene check, like the song.

[00:21:04] Um, I don't even know what the song is called, but it goes, keep me, feel me, use me. I don't know. I don't know. I forgot what the song is, but anyways, I was just like, so like I was crying in my room. Like that worship song really touched me. So like, it was the Holy spirit, like really drawing me. And then I was like, I want to get baptized. And then I told my boyfriend about it and he's like, no, you can't get baptized. And I'm like, why not? And I knew why? Cause he, because we were not, we were living a life of sin.

[00:21:33] I was not like holy. And then, and I knew if I stayed with him that I wouldn't, I wanted to follow Jesus wholeheartedly. And so I was like, okay, too bad. So sad, uh, for you. Like, I'm going to break up with you because I want to follow Jesus and I want to get baptized. So too bad. So I just broke up with him over the phone and then I got baptized. And like, literally my walk with the Lord was very consistent. Like the Lord was working on things, but it was pretty like, you know, there was struggles

[00:22:02] and stuff, but it wasn't like to the degree as this 2020 incident. So yeah, I accepted Jesus, received him in my heart, 2003. And then it was a journey. I met my husband on the way. I brought him to Jesus. Um, yeah. So that's the story. That, that, well, that, that's definitely quite an amazing story in many ways. It's fantastic that there you were with a non-Christian guy and you were totally into him.

[00:22:28] All your time was spent with him and then just that opportunity for God to speak into your heart. And I, I've heard other people have these things where they're, they're in church and they might be just laughing or just crying because just the presence of God just speaking to them. So that's great. And then you make, you made the, the great call. I think the song you're thinking of by Darlene Sheck, I think it's called the Potter's Hand. Yes. The Potter's Hand. Yes. Take me, mold me, use me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a great track.

[00:22:58] So, so as well as after this, going and listening to Cynthia's tracks, you could also go and listen to that one by Darlene as well. So, okay. So God's got a, got a big hold of you. And you, you're at that point when you, when you're at that point, 19 years old, 20 years, are you going, I'm musical. This is, this has been the thing I've done all my life. I love singing. I love playing the keys or guitar. No, you're shaking your head. So definitely not that. So, so what's at that point? Are you thinking you're going to do for the rest of your life? Nothing.

[00:23:26] I wasn't really thinking about anything. I was just kind of like, okay, I'm a Christian. Um, and then it was just being part of the, being part of a local church, um, being so rooted and grounded. Like I had a pastor, she unfortunately has passed away and I'm not part of that church anymore, but she was my spiritual mother. Like, um, I love my mom. Like she's amazing, but you know, she couldn't affirm me and comfort me and like, you know, validate emotions. She didn't know how to champion me or anything like that. Cause her mom, she didn't even have a relationship with her mom.

[00:23:56] Like her, her. Yeah. So like, she wasn't able to do that for me. But then my pastor, she was like, she encouraged me. She was the one who spoke words over me. She's like, oh, I see you. Like, uh, she, she'd give me, um, like a picture or a dream. She'd be like, yeah, I see you. Like, like that Darlene Czech person. Like you're going to write songs for God. So she was the one who planted that idea in my head. She's like, I see you one day, like you're going to be singing and like people's hearts are going to be unheartened and they're going to like be soft and to receive, to receive

[00:24:26] Jesus. And like, I see you, like you're going to be singing and like people are going to be delivered and healed. Like, so she was the one who like planted those, those ideas in my head. Um, like growing up, I, you know, I auditioned for singing parts like for elementary and high school, but I never got them. Cause like, I was not, I, I'm not a gifted singer. Like even now I would not consider myself a gifted singer. Um, so like, because of like, you know, I never got singing parts.

[00:24:52] So like I started taking vocal lessons and then I taught myself how to write music because of the words that she spoke over me. I mean, at the time I was studying to be an accountant, I'm still an accountant right now. Okay. Excel spreadsheets and stuff. So, um, and I was like, I'm not, I'm creative. Like I don't, I didn't see myself as a creative person. So it was really a process with God. Um, and you know, there was moments where I was like trying to write songs and like, I

[00:25:20] would, you know, sing them at our church, you know, our church of 20 or 30 people. There was not that many people in our church. That's why I had the freedom. I was able to share my songs. Um, and then, you know, it'd be like crickets and I was like, um, Lord, should I be doing this? But then every time I was about to give up, like God would always bring, you know, the right sermon or like the right person to encourage me at the right time. And I would keep on taking those baby steps. So all of those little baby steps has led me to here. I get you. I get you. Wow.

[00:25:50] Like all the albums. Yeah. And like the songs on radio and all that, like it was just all the little baby steps, even like going on social media. That was like a, that was a big step. I was like, I don't like social media. So it was a process too. Okay. Just to, just to check, see, one of the reasons I said, oh, we better hear the backstory of everything. It was because you mentioned about childhood trauma and I thought, oh, there's probably

[00:26:17] something that we don't know that has led to AR that's then led to you getting into the healing. Is that something I should ask about? Or is that something that we can just. Yeah, that's totally fine. Cause it's not like crazy childhood trauma. It's just, I think my mom went through more. It's not like crazy. It's just, but because I went through therapy, it's like, oh, I can actually label that as trauma. So like, because I grew up like, um, like it was just neglect. So like my mom, like she was super overwhelmed.

[00:26:44] Like when I was a baby, like she just left me crying my head off for like hours and hours. She didn't know what was wrong with me. Right. And so like my, she doesn't remember, but like my dad remembers, like she was so frustrated with me. She'd just throw me on the bed as a, as a baby, but like, I don't remember. Right. But like, okay. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then like, it's just growing up. Um, it was just very critical. Like my mom, I love her. Like she's, but like her volume and her speaking is like always screaming. So it's like, she's constantly just like screaming tone at me.

[00:27:12] And like, there's no, there was no like love, like physically or like affirmation. Like, oh, you did a good job. It's just like all negative. It's like negative criticism, negative criticism. And so because of that, um, yeah, I just didn't have a good image of myself, like growing up. Are you guys in a beautiful restored relationship now? Would you say? Yeah, totally. I mean like my, that's why I believe the Lord. Um, so like I grew up in the house next door.

[00:27:37] Um, and then I was, I got married and then we lived like my husband and I, we lived in another house for, or sorry, in a condo for a while. But then when we were starting to, um, build our family, we were looking for houses and then the house next door to my mom happened to be on sale. And then, um, the person who gave us the house, um, everybody else was bidding higher on this house. Um, but they gave it to us for a lower price because they knew that my mom was next door. So that was really God.

[00:28:07] Wow. That's, that's, now that's unusual. That's, I like that. So isn't that kind? So well, bless that person. So that worked out really nicely. Yeah. And then because of like, you know, and then having children, I think having children was like a big shocker for me. And I have a song about that too. It's called Holy Moments, but like, it's, it's not on the album, it's not another album, but like, I, you know, I envisioned like having, uh, my quiet time. Like I love having my time with God and I love like how uninterrupted it is.

[00:28:37] And so I thought, you know, as I have kids, like, okay, I can just like put them down and then like, you know, have my time with God. I didn't grow up with like a lot of families, so I didn't really know what it was like to have children. So when I had Evan, my first one, I was like, oh my gosh, I can't even put him down. Like I can't, I can't do anything. Like, it's like, you know, I'd have to literally like wear him. So like having my mom next door was just so amazing. It's like, can you just hold, can you just hold Evan so I can take a shower?

[00:29:05] Like even going to the washroom, like I'd have to like, sometimes like, oh my gosh, like I have to like, I only have five minutes to go to the washroom. And then like, you know, I just, that's the kind of, that's how I operated. So it was just like having my mom next door and like having her like help and like, she was willing to help. That really brought such healing. Cause I was like, wow. Like I was just so grateful for her. Like, I really appreciated her so much. So like the Lord was already like starting the healing at that point. So that was like 2014. My son was born.

[00:29:36] And then 2017, my daughter was born and just, yeah, my parents helping. And then I'm just going through all the therapy as well. And like, just talking to them about like therapy and like the freedom session and just like, you know, what they've been through and just like, you know, just even just how they handled me growing up as well. Like just, yeah. Talking about that with them. And just like forgiving them. I'm like, mom, I understand.

[00:30:04] Like you went, like she herself went through so much. So yeah. Yeah. Wow. Well, I'm, I'm, I'm delighted though to hear is working out so nicely with them being so close. I can imagine there's lots of people listening that go, I would never want to live next door to my parents or my in-laws, whatever it might be. But there's obviously clearly blessing in it. You're smiling away. And that's just, that's just great. You know, we, we do need to come to your second song.

[00:30:31] So, um, tell it, tell us what, what, what's the song called and tell us about why you wrote it and what you want listeners to get from it as well. Yeah. So it's called history as shown. And it's like literally remembering like everything like that God has done, like all the times, all the encounters that I've had with the Lord, like at the right moment. And just like all the tears, like one of my favorite scriptures, um, I don't know where it is in the Bible, but it says it's in Psalm somewhere.

[00:30:59] It says that he collects our tears in his bottle and he records them. Like he remembers and he catches our tears. And like, that's how, that's how much our Lord just loves us and cares for us. And so it is, this song is like a song of worship and Thanksgiving. It's just remembering like what he's done. And, um, because of what he's done in the past and because ultimately what he's done on the cross, like that final victory.

[00:31:25] And like, we, we know where we're going, like we know we're going to heaven. Like there's going to be no more tears, no more pain, um, like that in itself, like just that history. Um, we know that he works all things for our good and our good is to become more like Christ. But like, ultimately it's like, we know in heaven, like that we're going to get fully rewarded. No more tears, no more pain, everything that we've been through, we're going to get rewarded for.

[00:31:54] Um, so yeah, that's where that song comes from. It's like literally like just surveying your life and just being so grateful and thankful and just all honor and worship and Thanksgiving to him.

[00:32:33] And that was history is shown by Cynthia Locke. And I'm so pleased that Cynthia is with us for the artist interview. Cynthia, wow. You've really shared openly from your heart and you know, there's going to be people who may be a bit shocked or a Christian who, who had anger, a Christian who had issues or whatever it might be. Surely someone writing songs about God shouldn't, shouldn't be like that. And I just want to say that Christians are very much imperfect people, uh, knowing to some

[00:33:02] degree, a perfect God who reveals himself and our hearts as Christians. For those of you who aren't Christians, our hearts as Christians would be that we are challenged and loved by God, held by him. And we grow and we get healed and we get changed and the rubbish that we carry from our past. And all of us has rubbish in our, in our past. It's, it's something that God helps take us through. And that's what Cynthia has been describing her journey, uh, with Jesus, where actually,

[00:33:31] even though she didn't know there was all that stuff in there, it was still there. And God came and had to touch it, to change it, to free her and to enable her to move forwards. And your story, uh, obviously there's awful stuff, but there's great stuff in it. And it's the goodness of God that's shining through you, Cynthia. So thank you for all you've done to share that. But so there's my, my people who've been a bit offended by, I'm, I'm sorry if you offended you, but I think it was worth hearing. And there might be people who've gone, I understand exactly what you're, what you're going through. That's me. I'm a bit like that.

[00:34:01] Would you be happy, Cynthia, to pray for people right now that they might just know some of God's amazing love over them, whatever their situation might be? Yeah, totally. Lord Jesus, I just lift your beloved son, your beloved daughter. You call them beloved because you see them through the blood of Jesus. I just pray right now, Lord, that no matter what they've done, no matter what they've gone through, Lord, I just pray that they would encounter your love, Lord God.

[00:34:30] I pray that you would speak to them and encounter them in such a way that they would know and know and know that you see them, that you love them and that you care for them, God. And I just pray God right now that if there's anything, any blockages, anything that's preventing them from opening their heart to you and just letting them see the mess, Lord, I just pray for the grace that you will help them, that you would remove every shame, that you would remove all the protection, that there are any walls that they're carrying, God, and that

[00:34:59] you would just, your light would just break through, that your love would just break through. Thank you, Jesus, that you already see everything, Lord. You know every thought. You know every intention that nothing is hidden from you, yet you love us. That's why you died on the cross. And so, God, I just thank you, Lord God, that you are a deliverer, that you are a healer, that you are a savior, Lord, that it's not just a one-time thing that we're saved. We declare Jesus as our Lord and Savior and that's it, but you are continually saving us and you're continually delivering us.

[00:35:28] And God, I just pray that whoever's listening to this right now, God, I just pray that they would experience your healing, that they would experience your freedom, that they would experience a peace that they've never experienced before, that they would experience your hope, Lord, and your love and your joy, God. So, God, I just thank you. I pray that you'll bless them, Lord God. I pray that you'll bless them. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Amen. Amen. Thank you so much, Cynthia. So, God's been taking you on a journey. Your music is, well, your new album.

[00:35:58] Your new album is just out. So, just out at the start of September, As Long As I Live, it's called. Tell us about your heart in the album. What does it mean to you and what are you hoping other people will receive from it? Yeah, I mean, the Lord has definitely taken me on a journey of healing and deliverance and just resaving me again. And this album is a response to that. It's literally, I think it is Psalm 63, verse 4, and it says,

[00:36:27] I will bless the Lord as long as I live. And so, it's like no matter what you're going through, no matter the trials and the testings, and even if all hell breaks loose, it's like, I will choose to bless you, God, because you are so worthy. Like, because there's only one moment in time, and that's right now here on earth, where we are going to be able to give the Lord our praises and our worship in a time where we're experiencing

[00:36:56] hardship, pain, tears, trauma, like all of that kind of stuff. Like, it's only here on earth where we get to give him that costly offering in heaven. When we're with him, there's going to be no more tears, no more sadness, no more any of that. And so, like, yeah, my hope and my prayer and my encouragement is that as people listen to this album, that they would be so encouraged, like, that they would remember, like, what God's done in their life. Ultimately, the cross, like, the cross is everything, like, just his sacrifice.

[00:37:26] And that it would evoke just a lifetime of worship unto him because he's so worthy. Like, that is our acceptable offering to the Lord is bringing our bodies as a living sacrifice. Like, Lord, no matter what you ask me to do, like, I want to be obedient to you, Lord. Like, this is my response. Like, I choose to be obedient. I choose to worship you. I choose to follow you even when it's hard. Like, that is, that's the alabaster jar.

[00:37:52] Like, that is a life that I'm, yeah, like, I'm praying and hoping that people would be encouraged to give the Lord. Yeah. Wow. And my hope is obviously that they would encounter Jesus, like, through this album. Because there are not all of the songs are, like, all vertical, like, thank you, Jesus. Like, there's a song on there where it's, like, God is singing over you, telling you that you are so loved, you know. So, yeah, there's different songs in there. But, yeah. I've listened to it. It's a great album.

[00:38:21] And I would definitely encourage people, if you want to just get some of the blessing that you've been hearing in this interview about God stepping in and just healing and all the rest of it, have a listen to the album. Let God speak over you. Maybe listen to the whole album start to finish. I've got to encourage people to do that because it takes you on a journey. It's great. Your listeners, though, I had a look on Spotify and your listeners, Brazil, Kenya, Nigeria, Philippines, South Africa.

[00:38:51] So, how do people discover you? If there you are being, and I didn't know you were an accountant. So, you're an accountant by your day job, but your passion, your ministry is the music and your family, as you mentioned earlier on. If God doesn't do anything with music, you want to just be a great mom and a great wife. So, how are people discovering your music? Yeah, people can discover it through, you can just do a Google search and find my name, Cynthia Locke, L-O-K.

[00:39:17] I'm on YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, like all the platforms. My music is on, yeah, like Apple Music, Spotify, Panorama, like all the Deezer, all those places, YouTube, all the socials. So, people can just look me up that way and get connected. And I'd love to connect with you. So, if you, yeah, if you find me, like please send me a message, like email me, like all the information, just it's all on the internet. It's all on there.

[00:39:47] So, Cynthia Locke, Locke, L-O-K. So, CynthiaLockeMusic.com? Yeah, that's my website. With your music, do you ever get people feeding back saying how it's impacted them? Have you got any stories you can share? Yeah, totally. I mean, like even just from my album release parties and like just singing live, like I've had people come up to me and just like literally tell me like, I was just having a conversation with God like literally today. And then I came to your event and like God like spoke to me through your song.

[00:40:15] So, like literally like God will speak to people like through my music. Like I've had, yeah, like people just share like one person, he was like not sure if he was going to get baptized or not. And he was like kind of on the fence and he listened to one of my songs. I think it was wholly devoted. And he's like, yes, I'm going to like take the plunge. So, I've had a couple of people like tell me that like where they've, they weren't sure. And then they were like, they listened to my music and like, oh, I like you. Yeah, I accepted Jesus in my heart and I got baptized.

[00:40:44] Um, yeah, and I've had people like, uh, especially with like the more vulnerable songs, like bitter into sweet, like they've shared how, um, you know, they were going through something similar as me and like, they really felt like God was just speaking to them and encouraging them and they could feel his healing and his comfort. And, um, yeah, so I've had, um, stories over the years of how God's been touching people through my music. And I'm, I'm really grateful to be able to, to do that with the Lord. Yeah.

[00:41:14] It's, it's, it's impactful stuff for sure. Um, I've got a question about being, being married to someone who's declared themselves not a Christian. I haven't got experience with that, so I can't speak into it at all, but there's going to be people listening who, who go, oh yeah, that, that is, that is me. What, what advice do you have? I'm not saying you're an expert, but you're obviously on that journey and you talked about having God's peace as well, even though it's a struggle. What, what, what's, what, what advice would you give to other people at this time? Yeah. Yeah.

[00:41:43] So like my husband, he was a Christian before, like it was kind of, so he knows, so he knows all the answers. So he knows all the answers and he actually will speak to me in like Christian language. So like, he understands it all, but like at this moment, he's not like worshiping Jesus. Um, so like, yeah, I mean, um, it's like at first it was really difficult. Cause like, I was really like just angry and bitter. Um, and like pretty, I mean, even when he was a Christian, I was pretty forceful.

[00:42:11] Like I was like pretty like, did you read your Bible yet? Did you pray? And so like, I think there was a lot of that, like in our marriage, like even when he was a Christian, like it was a lot of pressure for him. Um, so like now that he's like unsure about his faith, I, yeah, it's just like literally, I don't even, I just share with him like what I am going through. Um, like, and like the things that God is speaking to me about and like, I'll still share those things with him and he's very open. Like he'll listen to me. He's very loving. Like he's very caring and stuff.

[00:42:39] Um, it's just, it's literally like just, um, asking the Lord to fill you with his love. Like, cause at the time it happened when, when he told me that he didn't believe in Jesus anymore. Like, I was like, I don't think I have enough love for him. Like literally, that's what I told my pastor. I'm like, I don't know. And then my pastor was like, you're ready for this challenge. Like you need to tap into the God's love. Like God's love is infinite. And so like, ask the Lord, just like, just tell him like, I don't know how God, but I,

[00:43:07] but show me how like God, like do your work in me. Cause like, it's like, it's really like the Lord doing the work in, in, in you. And that's how you will come to a place. It's like the Lord pouring his love into you. Like you experiencing more of his love. Cause when you experience more of his love and his peace, then you will have the grace to be able to love your, your spouse. Wow. And just like pray for them. Like pray for, I'm praying, I'm contending and praying.

[00:43:36] Um, and so my dying breath. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you know what, would it be, would it be acceptable for us to pray now for your husband and the listeners joining? Of course. Yeah, please. Do you say, what's his name? Hanan? His name is Hanson. Okay. Hanson. Great. So, so Jesus, I would just like to thank you for Hanson. I thank you that you've always watched over him ever since he was knitted together in

[00:44:02] his mother's womb and you know, the struggles that he's gone through and the things that have caused him to make the decisions right now, where he is in his walk with you. And I'd like to just pray for your blessing. I'd like to pray for Cynthia, that she'll have real wisdom and be able to know what to say and when to say it. I pray that the words that she speaks will be words filled with love.

[00:44:28] I pray, Jesus, that she'll be one who knows when to say absolutely nothing and just hold him and also knows when to, when to raise things. I pray that you'll give her authority, wisdom, love and discernment. But I pray for Hanson as well, Jesus, that you will interrupt his sleep. I pray, Jesus, that you will give him dreams and visions from heaven.

[00:44:55] I pray that you will speak over him and that he will know that you are the God who cares and you are the God who is the living God and you are true and worthy of praise. Breaking afresh to his life, we pray. Amen. Thank you so much for praying for him. Oh, well, and thank you to the listeners as well who joined in. And also, in fact, I should have prayed. I'm going to pray one more thing.

[00:45:18] And Jesus, for each listener who's also in that situation where their spouse is not this point following, I just pray blessing over them. I pray that they'll know you in the relationship. I pray you'll protect and guard their relationship and build your kingdom in and through them. We pray for fresh revelations of your love, King Jesus. Amen. Amen. Right. Okay. So you've released your album recently. So you mentioned doing some live shows. So what sort of shows do you have to do?

[00:45:48] Are they all sort of fairly local to you in Canada? You know, I haven't been able to figure out the whole touring aspect yet. So I just had my album release party. And so that is the only thing that I have planned. So that just happened. In the past, I've had like a couple of things like that I've personally organized. So like I've organized like a night of faith and I have had like other artists come in and then we would all like kind of have like a set. There's been times where I did reach out to some churches.

[00:46:17] Like I have reached out to some churches and seeing like, hey, can I like come and like share some of my songs and my stories? And so a few churches, like literally maybe two, have like invited me. And so I've been able to like share my stories and my songs. It seems like churches are not like they have their own team and they're like, who's this person? Like who's Cynthia Law? Like there's just so many artists. Like it's just not the thing nowadays. And I've had like a couple of things where like people, like there's been events and

[00:46:44] then they would invite me to like to share. So I get, I would get a set. So I'd get to like share my songs and my stories there. So there's been a few things over the years, but I haven't been like, I haven't, I've never organized my own tour. I'm kind of looking into that, but it is hard to get people to, to come and it is costly. So I'd have to save up to, yeah. Yeah. Maybe that, maybe, maybe that's, maybe that's the advantage of being an accountant and a

[00:47:11] musician because, because there are other musicians that we've had on the show who are having to do side hustles as well to the music, just, just to try and make ends meet. And it's very, very tough. So being a musician is something where a lot of people put an awful lot of heart into it and they do it because they love it much more than because it's necessarily going to make them a lot of money. Um, and I, I, there, there, there's certainly a lot of people who do make a lot of money,

[00:47:39] but, but the majority of Christian musicians are not, are not making lots of money. So, um, this moment is a missionary. It's a mission at this point. It is negative. Yeah. More money. But that's, yeah. Like just to share, to be able to share songs and to encourage people. Yeah. It's the, it's the goodness of God. So before, before, before we come to the final track, I should ask what's your favorite Bible story and why? Oh my goodness. I don't know.

[00:48:07] It might be my first, my favorite Bible story and why. Is that, is that the hardest question I've asked you this whole interview? Cause I thought some of the other ones were hard. So I think so. Yeah. Cause I don't have a, I think, okay. Not a Bible story, but my favorite is probably the book of Revelation. Oh, whoa. Well, okay. Yeah. That, that, that, that, that's a, that's a, that's a big one. And, uh, interesting. Yeah. Okay. Cause like, that's where we're going. Like, that's the end.

[00:48:35] I mean, I know there's, there's a lot of different viewpoints and like, there's lots of different, yeah. Viewpoints. Interpretations of exactly what it means. Interpretations on the book of Revelation. But what we can all agree on is that, well, Jesus is coming back. He's coming back for his bride and like, there's going to be no more tears, no more pain. And like, it's, yeah, it's just the fulfillment of like his, the fullness of his promise. You know, there's not going to be no more evil, like full fullness of justice being established.

[00:49:04] Like, yeah, I would have to say the book of Revelation. Okay. Okay. I'm going to accept that as a good answer. So, um, so it's a, it's a, it's a book that I think some people find challenging, but it's a absolutely, uh, his kingdom will be established and there'll be no end to his reign. So it's a, it's an exciting thing to look forward to. Uh, so we have time for one last track from you, Cynthia. So, uh, and I believe it's Alabaster Jar. Do you want to tell us about it?

[00:49:32] Yeah, I'd have to say, I mean, I, I have so many favorites, but I, I really liked this song. I really love this song because it's really, it is my heart. It's like, he's so worthy of, of my worship. And I know there's so many songs that have been done, um, about this, but, um, yeah, like even in, for this whole entire journey and season of like releasing the album and like saving up for the album, like I am an accountant and I, I literally did take on another job and

[00:49:59] to be able to like pour it all out. And so it's like, I am spending like probably more than one year worth of wages, like on his feet. And just like the whole process of the album and like, just my attitude with my kids and like, with like working and like, you know, just like everything. I wanted it all to be like, this is my offering Lord, like just my whole life. Um, cause he's so worthy.

[00:50:25] And so, um, yeah, I just, my prayer is that, that only the Lord could bring people to a place where they're willing to like, okay, God, no matter what, like, I'm just, you're worthy. I just want to like give you everything that I can, you know, like my life, my attitude, my words, my, um, you know, we're not perfect, of course. And thankfully Jesus has like cleansed us and he gives us the grace, but just even like

[00:50:53] just the heart posture of wanting to like, yeah, it just means so much to, to him. Um, not to earn his love because we, he already loves us, but it's just like, this is, this is the reward of his suffering is like our lives laid down and it's us giving our love to him.

[00:51:15] And that was Alabaster Jar by Cynthia Locke.

[00:51:59] What an incredibly honest lady chasing after Jesus and being transformed more and more into his likeness. I would encourage you go on to whatever your favorite streaming platform is and look up Cynthia Locke. That's L-O-K for Locke and check out her brand new album, As Long As I Live. So I hope you've enjoyed the show. I hope it's blessed you and encouraged you. There are many other episodes that you can listen to. Go along to theartistinterviewpodcast.com.

[00:52:28] Thank you for being with me today and look forward to being with you before too long. Goodbye. God bless. Listen, subscribe and support at theartistinterviewpodcast.com.