The Power of Marriage
Series: A Profound Mystery
Speaker: Steve Jeffrey
Date: 17th May 2026
00:00:00 --> 00:00:08 Well, good morning, everyone. If you've just joined us, last week we kicked off this new series on what the Bible teaches about marriage.
00:00:09 --> 00:00:15 That's because marriage is a major theme that runs throughout the Bible.
00:00:15 --> 00:00:23 As we saw last week, the Bible begins with God officiating the first marriage between Adam and Eve, the first two people,
00:00:23 --> 00:00:33 and it ends with the great marriage feast of the Lamb where it is the eternal coming together of Jesus and his church.
00:00:33 --> 00:00:39 And so marriage, as I said last week, is connected to all of God's purposes for history.
00:00:40 --> 00:00:50 And that God invented marriage between a man and a woman to display those purposes in history, God's eternal salvation purposes.
00:00:52 --> 00:00:56 And so our text throughout the whole term is Ephesians 21 to 33.
00:00:56 --> 00:01:05 It's the longest, most famous and most controversial passage in the Bible on marriage.
00:01:05 --> 00:01:08 And so we're working through it bit by bit, unpacking it bit by bit.
00:01:08 --> 00:01:23 And the controversial parts draw our attention so much in such a way that we often miss the real meaning of the whole paragraph,
00:01:24 --> 00:01:34 and particularly the peak verses, the verses that put all of this instruction into their context, verses 31 and 32.
00:01:34 --> 00:01:39 For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
00:01:39 --> 00:01:42 This is a profound mystery.
00:01:42 --> 00:01:45 But I'm talking about Christ and the church.
00:01:45 --> 00:01:51 The profound mystery of marriage is when God invented marriage at the beginning of creation,
00:01:52 --> 00:01:57 he already had the saving work of Jesus Christ in mind.
00:01:57 --> 00:02:09 God, in other words, he designed marriage between a man and a woman to be a picture, if you like, of that greater, more important reality.
00:02:11 --> 00:02:23 And so the question is, how well do our marriages portray the magnificence of Jesus and the gospel and the great wedding feast of the Lamb?
00:02:23 --> 00:02:30 In case you're still wondering about the answer to that question, not perfectly is the answer to that.
00:02:31 --> 00:02:31 Not perfectly.
00:02:34 --> 00:02:36 That's reality though, isn't it?
00:02:36 --> 00:02:51 The larger and more complex and more majestic an object is, the more difficult it is, almost impossible it is, to represent that thing very well.
00:02:51 --> 00:02:59 For instance, no single photograph from my iPhone could possibly display the grandeur of the Great Barrier Reef.
00:02:59 --> 00:03:07 But the reason I take a photo of it is because when I'm there experiencing it, I'm moved by it.
00:03:07 --> 00:03:10 There's a sense of awe associated with it.
00:03:10 --> 00:03:17 And so I take the photo because I want to recall that awe moment.
00:03:17 --> 00:03:22 I want to remember the magnificence of it.
00:03:24 --> 00:03:32 And so Christian marriage, therefore, should seek to be clearer and clearer picture of the majesty of the gospel.
00:03:33 --> 00:03:40 Because one of the purposes of marriage is, in fact, the transformation of a couple into the image of Christ.
00:03:40 --> 00:03:43 And we'll pick that up down in the coming weeks.
00:03:43 --> 00:04:07 But the main reason our display of the majesty of the gospel is so blurred is because all of us are broken by sin and we are profoundly self-centered.
00:04:07 --> 00:04:18 And so self-centeredness is the main havoc-wreaking problem in marriage.
00:04:18 --> 00:04:26 In fact, in all relationships, but in marriage and the ever-present enemy of every marriage.
00:04:26 --> 00:04:31 And so that's our topic today as we look at that.
00:04:31 --> 00:04:41 So if you've got the St. Paul's app, got three points there for us today as we journey through just a couple of, really just one verse we're focusing on.
00:04:43 --> 00:04:44 So the problem of self-centeredness.
00:04:44 --> 00:04:53 The main problem of all marriages and relationships generally is the radical self-centeredness of the human heart.
00:04:54 --> 00:05:13 C.S. Lewis wrote in Mere Christianity that self-centeredness, which is what he referred to in the particular chapter of the great sin as pride or conceit, self-conceit he referred to it as.
00:05:13 --> 00:05:43 He says,
00:05:43 --> 00:06:00 That his self-centeredness by its very character means a person is blind to their own while being hypersensitive and offended and angered by that of others.
00:06:00 --> 00:06:16 And the result is always a downward spiral into self-pity, into anger, despair, self-righteousness as the relationship gets eaten away to nothing.
00:06:16 --> 00:06:31 Self-centeredness has been described as the cancer in the center of a marriage when it begins and it has to be dealt with from the start.
00:06:31 --> 00:06:50 Now the classic text which you'll hear at many wedding ceremonies and which I've been asked to preach on a number of times is 1 Corinthians 13 verses 4 to 5.
00:06:50 --> 00:07:01 I remember going to, it's so famous in fact, that I went to a wedding, attended a wedding for a non-Christian couple who didn't want me to do the wedding.
00:07:01 --> 00:07:05 An extended family didn't want me to do the wedding because they didn't want anything too religious.
00:07:06 --> 00:07:09 They've got a civil settlement out in the garden.
00:07:09 --> 00:07:11 The civil settlement in the service said,
00:07:12 --> 00:07:13 Just some advice for you.
00:07:13 --> 00:07:14 I want to read to you a poem.
00:07:15 --> 00:07:19 Not sure where it comes from or the origin of it, but it's just beautiful words.
00:07:19 --> 00:07:20 Let me read them to you.
00:07:21 --> 00:07:24 Love is patient and kind.
00:07:24 --> 00:07:25 It does not envy.
00:07:26 --> 00:07:27 It does not boast.
00:07:27 --> 00:07:28 It is not proud.
00:07:28 --> 00:07:29 It is not rude.
00:07:30 --> 00:07:31 It is not self-seeking.
00:07:31 --> 00:07:32 It is not easily angered.
00:07:33 --> 00:07:34 It keeps no record of wrongs.
00:07:34 --> 00:07:38 And people, oh, you have beautiful words.
00:07:40 --> 00:07:43 1 Corinthians 13 verses 4 and 5.
00:07:44 --> 00:07:48 What Paul does here, he shows that love is an action.
00:07:49 --> 00:07:49 It's not a sentiment.
00:07:50 --> 00:07:50 It's not sentimental.
00:07:51 --> 00:07:51 It's an action.
00:07:52 --> 00:08:01 Love is action that is the very opposite of self-seeking, of self-centeredness.
00:08:01 --> 00:08:17 Love is pursuing one's own welfare before those of others.
00:08:18 --> 00:08:19 Look at that, right?
00:08:20 --> 00:08:20 You know what I mean.
00:08:22 --> 00:08:31 Self-centeredness is easily seen through this list in impatience, in irritability.
00:08:31 --> 00:08:34 A lack of graciousness and kindness in speech.
00:08:35 --> 00:08:42 Envious brooding on the better circumstances of other people and holding past injuries and
00:08:42 --> 00:08:44 hurts against others.
00:08:46 --> 00:08:52 And so how easily do these traits appear in marriage?
00:08:52 --> 00:08:58 The ability to give yourself to another person for their good.
00:08:59 --> 00:09:03 The ability to serve another person's interest over your own.
00:09:04 --> 00:09:11 The ability to submit your own concerns for the good of someone else.
00:09:11 --> 00:09:25 The ability to defer your desires to help another realize their desires is not instinctive, is it?
00:09:26 --> 00:09:33 It seems there's nothing more unnatural, in fact, than selflessness and humility.
00:09:33 --> 00:09:44 When I was a new pastor, and Nat and I had been married just for a couple of years.
00:09:45 --> 00:09:49 She's not here this morning, so you'll get my version of this.
00:09:49 --> 00:10:02 We've been married for a couple of years, and we were preaching a series in 1 Corinthians at the time in the church,
00:10:02 --> 00:10:04 and I got 1 Corinthians 13.
00:10:05 --> 00:10:10 And so I'd been working on the sermon throughout the week, thinking about working really hard at
00:10:10 --> 00:10:13 And, you know, love is patient and kind, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:10:13 --> 00:10:21 And on the Saturday, I was writing the sermon, and I just need a final illustration.
00:10:22 --> 00:10:23 I just need to finish it off.
00:10:23 --> 00:10:26 But I was confident I had it all wrapped up, right?
00:10:26 --> 00:10:31 The sermon, and so I had to communicate this really well, you know, to the church.
00:10:31 --> 00:10:36 And it was late in the afternoon, so I decided to take a break, and I was going to go and cut the grass
00:10:36 --> 00:10:44 While I thought over 1 Corinthians 13, love is patient, love is kind, how do I illustrate this, the final thing?
00:10:45 --> 00:10:54 And I was almost over, finished cutting the grass, and Nat said to me, she's just ducking out to catch up with a friend.
00:10:54 --> 00:10:55 She'll be back in about an hour and a half.
00:10:56 --> 00:10:57 Yeah, not a problem, no worries.
00:10:58 --> 00:11:00 Soon after that, Nat departed.
00:11:00 --> 00:11:07 I finished off cutting the grass, and I went to go inside, and the door was locked.
00:11:10 --> 00:11:11 The entire house was locked.
00:11:14 --> 00:11:17 And, I mean, I couldn't believe it.
00:11:18 --> 00:11:21 I mean, why would you do that?
00:11:23 --> 00:11:23 Why?
00:11:23 --> 00:11:25 It made sense at all.
00:11:25 --> 00:11:26 Of course, that's the point.
00:11:27 --> 00:11:29 It doesn't make any sense.
00:11:30 --> 00:11:44 And while, you know, the unhelpful stuff was rising, 1 Corinthians 13, love is patient, love is kind, love keeps no record of wrong.
00:11:46 --> 00:11:47 Okay.
00:11:48 --> 00:11:49 Okay, so do a little bit more gardening.
00:11:51 --> 00:11:53 You know, I'll catch up a little bit more gardening.
00:11:53 --> 00:11:59 And while I think about 1 Corinthians 13 and put it into practice, so I did a little bit more gardening.
00:12:00 --> 00:12:04 One and a half hours became two and a half hours.
00:12:05 --> 00:12:11 It was winter, and the sun went down, and I was now cold.
00:12:13 --> 00:12:17 And, you know, what is patience in the end?
00:12:18 --> 00:12:20 What does it mean to be kind?
00:12:20 --> 00:12:39 Two and a half hours became three hours, and I decided that rather than sit here and stew in the darkness and shiver, I thought that I will get up and I will busy myself around the garden and continue thinking about 1 Corinthians 13, and I'll water the grass.
00:12:39 --> 00:12:41 I mean, there's a soothing exercise.
00:12:41 --> 00:12:51 So I hooked up the hose, turn the tap on, boom, and the hose burst, and I was now covered in water.
00:12:52 --> 00:12:53 So it's dark.
00:12:55 --> 00:12:56 It is cold.
00:12:56 --> 00:12:57 It's winter.
00:12:57 --> 00:12:58 I am now wet.
00:12:58 --> 00:13:05 But love is, what was it about love?
00:13:07 --> 00:13:11 What are the parameters about keeping no records of wrong here?
00:13:11 --> 00:13:18 You know, like, I was wet, I was freezing, I was shivering, and I was fuming.
00:13:18 --> 00:13:21 Love is patient.
00:13:21 --> 00:13:22 Love is kind.
00:13:22 --> 00:13:26 Love keeps no, keeps mostly not records of wrong.
00:13:29 --> 00:13:46 Four hours later, it was totally dark, and then I heard the car arrive home, and then, by God, amazingly, my fuming went really calm.
00:13:46 --> 00:14:01 I just, you know, I was so cold, and instead of taking the opportunity to whip around and jump straight into the shower,
00:14:02 --> 00:14:08 I decided it would, in fact, be more beneficial for me if I waited just a little bit longer.
00:14:08 --> 00:14:14 I waited for four hours, and now there's an opportunity to milk this for all it's worth.
00:14:16 --> 00:14:20 Nat turned on the lights in the house.
00:14:20 --> 00:14:22 I could hear her calling out, you know, where are you?
00:14:23 --> 00:14:24 It wasn't that big of a house, really.
00:14:25 --> 00:14:26 She searched the house.
00:14:26 --> 00:14:34 Eventually, she unlocked the back door, turned on the patio light, and here I was sitting in the darkness, out there in the freezing cold.
00:14:34 --> 00:14:41 And her first words to me were, why are you sitting out in the dark?
00:14:43 --> 00:14:45 It's a bit cold for that, isn't it?
00:14:48 --> 00:14:49 Love is patient.
00:14:50 --> 00:14:52 Love is kind.
00:14:52 --> 00:15:05 And so I calmly, because I wanted to milk it, walked past her and said, think back to when you opened the door and how you needed to get out here.
00:15:06 --> 00:15:07 Walked into the shower.
00:15:08 --> 00:15:11 When I came out of the shower, she said, I locked you out.
00:15:12 --> 00:15:13 Yes, you did.
00:15:13 --> 00:15:28 Now, the reason I was able to stay calm in that moment was not because of love, but it's because that opportunity provided me with everything I needed for my own benefit in some way or another.
00:15:31 --> 00:15:32 I was able to milk it, manipulate it.
00:15:32 --> 00:15:37 And that's often what happens in our relationships.
00:15:39 --> 00:15:44 In most cases, we marry a person because we really like them.
00:15:45 --> 00:15:50 It doesn't take long, and you start to notice how self-centred they actually are.
00:15:51 --> 00:15:58 But it happens at exactly the same time, and they start to notice how self-centred you are.
00:15:58 --> 00:16:09 And then the third thing happens at exactly the same time is that you start to notice that their self-centredness is, in fact, far worse than yours.
00:16:11 --> 00:16:12 It's inevitable.
00:16:14 --> 00:16:17 What do you do then in that moment?
00:16:19 --> 00:16:28 One thing that can happen is that you, which often happens, is that you form an emotional distance.
00:16:28 --> 00:16:39 You put a self-protective layer around yourself, and the distance starts, grows between you and your spouse.
00:16:39 --> 00:16:50 It's almost like, as a couple, you subconsciously sign a new covenant agreement.
00:16:51 --> 00:16:56 If you don't talk about my issues, I won't raise your issues.
00:16:56 --> 00:17:07 And it's like, we're happy to coexist as North Korea and South Korea as long as we don't cross into the demilitarisation zone.
00:17:07 --> 00:17:17 And on the surface, we look like a happy couple, because we're together, for goodness sake.
00:17:17 --> 00:17:23 And we don't argue, because we've chosen not to over certain issues that really matter to us.
00:17:24 --> 00:17:30 We have a comfortable stalemate, but the emotional connection is forced.
00:17:30 --> 00:17:33 You know, there's a photo.
00:17:34 --> 00:17:35 Get together as a couple of you.
00:17:36 --> 00:17:38 It's like the anniversary celebration.
00:17:39 --> 00:17:41 There's a forced and an uncomfortableness.
00:17:43 --> 00:17:49 In his book, The Marriage Builder, the late Christian psychologist, Dr. Larry Crabb, put it like this.
00:17:49 --> 00:17:55 So protective layers are designed to prevent the rejection from getting inside to where we feel the hurt.
00:17:57 --> 00:18:02 A variety of behaviours can function for us as protective layers.
00:18:02 --> 00:18:05 An unwillingness to share deep feelings.
00:18:05 --> 00:18:09 Responding with anger when real feelings are hurt.
00:18:09 --> 00:18:17 Changing the subject when the conversation begins to be threatening about my own sense of rejection, that is.
00:18:17 --> 00:18:25 Turning up, clamming up, sorry, turning off, clamming up, or other manoeuvres designed to avoid rejection or criticism.
00:18:25 --> 00:18:30 Keeping oneself so busy with work and social engagements and entertainment and church activities,
00:18:30 --> 00:18:34 or endless chatter that no deep sharing is possible.
00:18:37 --> 00:18:42 Of course, the alternative, which is what we're given here in Ephesians 5, verse 21,
00:18:42 --> 00:18:45 is seeing that my self-centredness is more profound.
00:18:45 --> 00:18:51 It is more serious and more important to deal with than my spouse's.
00:18:53 --> 00:19:01 I will treat my self-centredness, as it's reported to me,
00:19:02 --> 00:19:07 as being the crucial thing to address, regardless of what the other person is doing.
00:19:07 --> 00:19:09 Or even how they communicate it to me.
00:19:09 --> 00:19:18 You see, when two people do that together, there is a possibility of not just a marriage,
00:19:18 --> 00:19:21 but of a great marriage.
00:19:22 --> 00:19:28 And when two people see that the main problem in their marriage is themself,
00:19:29 --> 00:19:34 their own self-centredness, and they're working together through that,
00:19:34 --> 00:19:36 then it will be a great marriage.
00:19:38 --> 00:19:40 And so there's two possibilities.
00:19:41 --> 00:19:46 And the two possibilities are either of you see the self-centredness,
00:19:46 --> 00:19:52 or that is the two possibilities.
00:19:52 --> 00:19:56 Either of you see the self-centredness in the other,
00:19:56 --> 00:20:01 or both of you see the self-centredness in yourself.
00:20:01 --> 00:20:05 The third possibility is that only one of you sees the self-centredness.
00:20:07 --> 00:20:09 But the other doesn't.
00:20:10 --> 00:20:13 In other words, you can still have a great marriage,
00:20:13 --> 00:20:19 even if your working on your self-centredness is not reciprocated.
00:20:19 --> 00:20:33 You see, in this scenario, if you're truly concerned about your self-centredness,
00:20:33 --> 00:20:34 and you're working on it,
00:20:35 --> 00:20:43 over time, it slowly, bit by bit, starts to soften your spouse.
00:20:44 --> 00:20:48 It becomes easier for them to admit their faults and their flaws.
00:20:49 --> 00:20:52 Because you are not constantly bringing them up.
00:20:53 --> 00:20:56 And when you do bring them up,
00:20:57 --> 00:21:02 you aren't doing it in a way to crush them, to condemn them.
00:21:05 --> 00:21:10 So that brings me to our second point of confronting our own self-centredness.
00:21:11 --> 00:21:14 You see, the only way to deal with the relational cancer of it
00:21:14 --> 00:21:17 is to confront our own self-centredness,
00:21:17 --> 00:21:18 not the other person's self-centredness.
00:21:19 --> 00:21:24 The introductory, Ephesians 5.21,
00:21:25 --> 00:21:30 this introductory statement for Paul's famous paragraph on marriage
00:21:30 --> 00:21:32 is submit to one another.
00:21:33 --> 00:21:40 Now, in the English translations of this,
00:21:41 --> 00:21:47 verse 21 is normally not just its own sentence,
00:21:47 --> 00:21:51 but it's also a brand new paragraph.
00:21:51 --> 00:21:54 It begins a brand new paragraph on marriage.
00:21:55 --> 00:21:58 But in the original language, in the Greek New Testament,
00:21:59 --> 00:22:06 verse 21 is, in fact, the last clause in a long previous sentence
00:22:06 --> 00:22:12 in which Paul describes the several, several marks of a person
00:22:12 --> 00:22:16 who is filled with the spirit of a Christian person.
00:22:16 --> 00:22:27 And this last clause, verse 21, is the connector to the application of that
00:22:27 --> 00:22:30 in what follows in this section of marriage and parenting
00:22:30 --> 00:22:32 and in the work environment.
00:22:32 --> 00:22:37 It's the hinge, if you like, in connecting these two great paragraphs.
00:22:37 --> 00:22:42 And so, in other words, what he's saying here is the last mark of being a Christian
00:22:42 --> 00:22:47 and filled with God's spirit is, in fact, a loss of pride
00:22:47 --> 00:22:52 and surrendering of the self-will that leads a person
00:22:52 --> 00:22:55 to humbly serve the interests of others.
00:22:55 --> 00:23:07 It is so unnatural that inevitably we will wonder what we get out of it
00:23:07 --> 00:23:13 if I'm putting the happiness of my spouse ahead of my own.
00:23:14 --> 00:23:16 That's our natural reaction here.
00:23:16 --> 00:23:25 If I put their happiness ahead of mine, what do I get out of it?
00:23:27 --> 00:23:35 And the biblical answer to that is happiness, is what you get out of it.
00:23:36 --> 00:23:39 Happiness through serving others instead of using them.
00:23:40 --> 00:23:44 It is the joy that comes from giving joy.
00:23:44 --> 00:23:50 Now, that is a concept that, as I talked about last week,
00:23:50 --> 00:23:53 our modern culture, the me marriage,
00:23:54 --> 00:24:03 finds so foreign and so oppressive, dangerous even.
00:24:04 --> 00:24:07 And yet this is not just the Christian view of marriage.
00:24:08 --> 00:24:12 This is the Christian theology of relationships,
00:24:13 --> 00:24:14 all relationships.
00:24:14 --> 00:24:21 Because it is the very nature of ultimate reality.
00:24:23 --> 00:24:25 You see, the Bible reveals God as triune.
00:24:25 --> 00:24:27 I talked about this last week.
00:24:27 --> 00:24:31 That is, he's three persons within one God.
00:24:32 --> 00:24:32 One God.
00:24:33 --> 00:24:34 Triunity of God, the Trinity.
00:24:35 --> 00:24:39 Now, I'm reading other passages in the Bible about this.
00:24:39 --> 00:24:43 John 17 teaches that for all of eternity, before anything was made,
00:24:43 --> 00:24:48 each person of the Trinity, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,
00:24:49 --> 00:24:55 has glorified, has honoured, and has loved the other two members of the Trinity.
00:24:56 --> 00:24:57 I used the word last week, perichoresis.
00:24:58 --> 00:24:59 It's the mutual indwelling.
00:24:59 --> 00:25:02 I exist for the other two.
00:25:02 --> 00:25:06 I exist for their glory, for their honouring, for their love.
00:25:06 --> 00:25:18 That is ultimate reality from which everything material is being created from,
00:25:18 --> 00:25:19 for, from that.
00:25:20 --> 00:25:24 And the representation of that, the very nature of God,
00:25:25 --> 00:25:30 the very being of God, is other person-centredness.
00:25:30 --> 00:25:32 That's ultimate reality.
00:25:33 --> 00:25:37 They served and loved one another for their joy.
00:25:38 --> 00:25:39 Forever.
00:25:41 --> 00:25:45 And so when Christ Jesus died on the cross for our sin,
00:25:47 --> 00:25:53 he was acting within the very nature of God.
00:25:55 --> 00:25:59 Self-sacrifice is who he is.
00:26:00 --> 00:26:02 It's the very essence of God.
00:26:04 --> 00:26:09 And humanity was made in that image.
00:26:10 --> 00:26:13 We were created to worship and live for God's glory,
00:26:13 --> 00:26:17 to do what God has done amongst himself forever for his joy.
00:26:17 --> 00:26:22 And we were meant to do that, and also for others, not for our own.
00:26:22 --> 00:26:30 And so whenever we put our happiness ahead of obedience to God,
00:26:30 --> 00:26:40 or we, in that moment, what we're doing is we are violating our very own nature,
00:26:41 --> 00:26:46 our very essence,
00:26:46 --> 00:26:51 and we become ultimately miserable.
00:26:53 --> 00:26:55 We work against our joy.
00:26:56 --> 00:27:00 You see, Jesus restates this principle when he says in Matthew 16,
00:27:00 --> 00:27:03 whoever wants to save his life will lose it,
00:27:03 --> 00:27:06 but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
00:27:06 --> 00:27:10 He's saying if you seek happiness more than you seek me,
00:27:11 --> 00:27:12 you'll have neither.
00:27:13 --> 00:27:14 You'll have neither me nor happiness.
00:27:14 --> 00:27:21 If you seek to serve me more than you serve your happiness,
00:27:21 --> 00:27:23 you'll get both.
00:27:24 --> 00:27:26 You get me and your happiness.
00:27:26 --> 00:27:34 And Paul applies this principle to marriage.
00:27:36 --> 00:27:39 Seek to serve one another rather than to be happy,
00:27:39 --> 00:27:43 and you will find a new and a deeper happiness.
00:27:47 --> 00:27:50 And it's possible to discover this profound mystery
00:27:50 --> 00:27:54 because marriage is instituted by God.
00:27:56 --> 00:28:02 It was established by God for whom self-giving love
00:28:02 --> 00:28:05 is the very essence of who he is,
00:28:05 --> 00:28:08 and therefore it reflects his nature,
00:28:08 --> 00:28:11 and particularly in the person and work of Jesus Christ.
00:28:12 --> 00:28:17 So when we read the rest of Ephesians 5,
00:28:18 --> 00:28:22 everything that it says, where our heart goes,
00:28:22 --> 00:28:25 hang on a bit, let me just qualify that,
00:28:26 --> 00:28:28 and I can't wait that Steve does,
00:28:30 --> 00:28:36 all of it is put in the context of ultimate reality.
00:28:37 --> 00:28:40 All of it is put in the context of verse 21.
00:28:40 --> 00:28:45 It is only from this Holy Spirit-empowered,
00:28:45 --> 00:28:48 humble submission for the good of others
00:28:48 --> 00:28:52 that Paul then moves into relationships
00:28:52 --> 00:28:54 with wives and husbands, parents and kids,
00:28:55 --> 00:28:57 employer, employee, all of it.
00:28:59 --> 00:29:01 Now we're going to unpack this in coming weeks,
00:29:01 --> 00:29:04 but in verses 22 to 24, Paul writes,
00:29:04 --> 00:29:06 the wife should submit to their husbands.
00:29:06 --> 00:29:08 Immediately in verse 25, he tells husbands
00:29:08 --> 00:29:11 to love their wives as Christ loved the church
00:29:11 --> 00:29:12 and gave himself up for her.
00:29:12 --> 00:29:18 He does the same at the end of the section in verse 33.
00:29:20 --> 00:29:21 And so verse 25 and verse 33,
00:29:21 --> 00:29:25 for husbands, if anything, is a stronger appeal
00:29:25 --> 00:29:27 to abandon self-interest
00:29:27 --> 00:29:29 than was in fact given to the wife.
00:29:33 --> 00:29:34 You see, what we will discover
00:29:34 --> 00:29:38 is that each of these exaltations
00:29:38 --> 00:29:41 have a distinct shape about them.
00:29:42 --> 00:29:44 They're not identical tasks.
00:29:46 --> 00:29:48 And yet each partner is called to sacrifice
00:29:48 --> 00:29:51 for the other in far-reaching ways
00:29:51 --> 00:29:55 because it's the very essence of who God is.
00:29:59 --> 00:30:00 Because the Father's not the Son
00:30:00 --> 00:30:02 and the Son's not the Spirit
00:30:02 --> 00:30:04 and the Spirit's not the Father or the Son
00:30:04 --> 00:30:07 and so on and so forth.
00:30:08 --> 00:30:11 And so whether we are a husband or a wife,
00:30:12 --> 00:30:13 we are not to live for ourselves,
00:30:13 --> 00:30:14 but we live for the other.
00:30:14 --> 00:30:18 This is the hardest
00:30:18 --> 00:30:21 and yet single most important function
00:30:21 --> 00:30:23 of being husband and wife in a marriage.
00:30:25 --> 00:30:27 As I said last week,
00:30:28 --> 00:30:30 the Bible does not present marriage
00:30:30 --> 00:30:34 as a choice between personal fulfilment
00:30:34 --> 00:30:38 as per the new me-marriage version
00:30:38 --> 00:30:39 of our modern era
00:30:39 --> 00:30:43 on the one hand
00:30:43 --> 00:30:45 or sacrifice for the good
00:30:45 --> 00:30:47 of family and society.
00:30:48 --> 00:30:48 On the other hand,
00:30:48 --> 00:30:50 as per traditional cultures,
00:30:52 --> 00:30:53 the biblical Christianity
00:30:53 --> 00:30:54 sees marriage
00:30:54 --> 00:30:56 as mutual fulfilment
00:30:56 --> 00:30:57 through mutual sacrifice.
00:31:00 --> 00:31:01 And it's different
00:31:01 --> 00:31:03 for both
00:31:03 --> 00:31:05 in the way that's played out.
00:31:05 --> 00:31:08 And this principle flows
00:31:08 --> 00:31:11 into every Christian relationship.
00:31:12 --> 00:31:13 But to practise these principles
00:31:13 --> 00:31:15 inside a marriage
00:31:15 --> 00:31:17 is to practise them in such,
00:31:18 --> 00:31:21 in the most intense way possible.
00:31:23 --> 00:31:24 If two spouses
00:31:24 --> 00:31:26 are spending a day together,
00:31:27 --> 00:31:29 the question of who gets
00:31:29 --> 00:31:30 each other's pleasure,
00:31:32 --> 00:31:33 so who gets
00:31:33 --> 00:31:35 to make the choice
00:31:35 --> 00:31:37 of pursuing their pleasure
00:31:37 --> 00:31:40 and who gives in
00:31:40 --> 00:31:41 in this moment
00:31:41 --> 00:31:42 happens
00:31:42 --> 00:31:45 all the time,
00:31:46 --> 00:31:46 which is probably why
00:31:46 --> 00:31:47 so many spouses
00:31:47 --> 00:31:48 don't want to spend
00:31:48 --> 00:31:49 too much time together.
00:31:50 --> 00:31:51 Who, you know,
00:31:51 --> 00:31:52 it's like the,
00:31:52 --> 00:31:53 you know,
00:31:53 --> 00:31:56 the view here is not,
00:31:57 --> 00:31:57 you know,
00:31:57 --> 00:31:58 I don't hear the old story
00:31:58 --> 00:31:59 of two Christians
00:31:59 --> 00:32:00 trying to, you know,
00:32:00 --> 00:32:00 force their way
00:32:00 --> 00:32:01 through one door
00:32:01 --> 00:32:01 and one says,
00:32:01 --> 00:32:02 after you.
00:32:02 --> 00:32:02 No, no, no,
00:32:02 --> 00:32:02 after you.
00:32:02 --> 00:32:03 No, after you.
00:32:03 --> 00:32:05 No, no, after you.
00:32:05 --> 00:32:06 And so no one goes anywhere.
00:32:06 --> 00:32:07 I mean, you know,
00:32:07 --> 00:32:08 we're going to unpack
00:32:08 --> 00:32:08 this a little bit later.
00:32:09 --> 00:32:09 I mean,
00:32:09 --> 00:32:11 it doesn't work like that.
00:32:14 --> 00:32:15 But who gets
00:32:15 --> 00:32:16 to go through the door first?
00:32:20 --> 00:32:21 There's three possibilities.
00:32:22 --> 00:32:23 You can offer
00:32:23 --> 00:32:23 to serve the other
00:32:23 --> 00:32:24 with joy.
00:32:25 --> 00:32:26 You can make
00:32:26 --> 00:32:27 the offer to serve them
00:32:27 --> 00:32:28 with coldness
00:32:28 --> 00:32:28 and resentment
00:32:28 --> 00:32:30 and hoping to manipulate it
00:32:30 --> 00:32:31 and use it later on
00:32:31 --> 00:32:31 down the track.
00:32:31 --> 00:32:34 or you can selfishly
00:32:34 --> 00:32:35 insist
00:32:35 --> 00:32:36 on your own way.
00:32:38 --> 00:32:39 That's what it comes down to.
00:32:40 --> 00:32:41 Only when both partners
00:32:41 --> 00:32:43 are regularly responding
00:32:43 --> 00:32:44 to one another
00:32:44 --> 00:32:45 in the first way,
00:32:46 --> 00:32:46 serving each other
00:32:46 --> 00:32:47 with joy,
00:32:48 --> 00:32:51 can a marriage thrive.
00:32:52 --> 00:32:52 And yet,
00:32:53 --> 00:32:54 how hard that is.
00:32:54 --> 00:32:58 because each person
00:32:58 --> 00:33:01 needs to confront
00:33:01 --> 00:33:03 their own self-centeredness
00:33:03 --> 00:33:05 and stop making excuses
00:33:05 --> 00:33:07 for selfishness
00:33:07 --> 00:33:10 and deal with it
00:33:10 --> 00:33:12 regardless
00:33:12 --> 00:33:14 of what your spouse
00:33:14 --> 00:33:14 is doing.
00:33:14 --> 00:33:18 if two spouses
00:33:18 --> 00:33:19 each say,
00:33:19 --> 00:33:20 I'm going to treat
00:33:20 --> 00:33:21 my,
00:33:21 --> 00:33:23 and when I say
00:33:23 --> 00:33:24 treat it,
00:33:24 --> 00:33:24 I mean
00:33:24 --> 00:33:27 really feel it,
00:33:28 --> 00:33:29 really be aware
00:33:29 --> 00:33:29 of it,
00:33:29 --> 00:33:31 that my self-centeredness
00:33:31 --> 00:33:32 is in fact
00:33:32 --> 00:33:34 the main problem
00:33:34 --> 00:33:36 in this marriage.
00:33:37 --> 00:33:38 You have the prospect
00:33:38 --> 00:33:41 of a truly great marriage.
00:33:41 --> 00:33:41 marriage.
00:33:45 --> 00:33:46 And even,
00:33:46 --> 00:33:47 can I say to you,
00:33:47 --> 00:33:48 if this is you right now,
00:33:49 --> 00:33:51 you're in a marriage relationship
00:33:51 --> 00:33:52 where you have failed
00:33:52 --> 00:33:54 in some kind of way
00:33:54 --> 00:33:55 and you're aware
00:33:55 --> 00:33:56 of your failure
00:33:56 --> 00:33:58 and your spouse
00:33:58 --> 00:34:01 is reminding you
00:34:01 --> 00:34:02 of your failure,
00:34:04 --> 00:34:07 can I say,
00:34:07 --> 00:34:08 work on your self-centeredness
00:34:08 --> 00:34:11 and the spouse
00:34:11 --> 00:34:12 who's constantly
00:34:12 --> 00:34:13 reminding the other
00:34:13 --> 00:34:14 of their failure,
00:34:14 --> 00:34:15 can I say to you,
00:34:17 --> 00:34:19 be more consciously
00:34:19 --> 00:34:20 aware of your own
00:34:20 --> 00:34:21 self-centeredness
00:34:21 --> 00:34:23 than your spouse's
00:34:23 --> 00:34:25 obvious self-centeredness.
00:34:30 --> 00:34:31 So where do we get
00:34:31 --> 00:34:31 the power
00:34:31 --> 00:34:32 and the security
00:34:32 --> 00:34:33 and the confidence
00:34:33 --> 00:34:34 to take that step?
00:34:34 --> 00:34:36 This is my last point.
00:34:37 --> 00:34:38 Verse 21 again,
00:34:39 --> 00:34:40 Paul says,
00:34:40 --> 00:34:41 there's one last bit
00:34:41 --> 00:34:42 which I haven't mentioned
00:34:42 --> 00:34:44 in that verse,
00:34:45 --> 00:34:46 submit to one another
00:34:46 --> 00:34:47 out of reverence
00:34:47 --> 00:34:48 for Christ.
00:34:50 --> 00:34:51 The word reverence
00:34:51 --> 00:34:52 there literally
00:34:52 --> 00:34:53 means
00:34:53 --> 00:34:55 fear.
00:34:56 --> 00:34:57 Submit to one another
00:34:57 --> 00:34:57 out of fear
00:34:57 --> 00:34:58 for Christ.
00:35:00 --> 00:35:01 Now the word fear,
00:35:02 --> 00:35:02 when we hear that,
00:35:03 --> 00:35:03 it says,
00:35:03 --> 00:35:04 ooh,
00:35:04 --> 00:35:04 hang on a bit,
00:35:04 --> 00:35:05 that doesn't sound
00:35:05 --> 00:35:05 very pleasant.
00:35:05 --> 00:35:07 you know,
00:35:07 --> 00:35:07 because,
00:35:07 --> 00:35:08 you know,
00:35:08 --> 00:35:09 the idea is dread
00:35:09 --> 00:35:10 and fright
00:35:10 --> 00:35:11 and, you know,
00:35:11 --> 00:35:12 it's a horrible feeling.
00:35:13 --> 00:35:14 But in the Bible,
00:35:14 --> 00:35:15 it is,
00:35:15 --> 00:35:16 the word fear
00:35:16 --> 00:35:17 is much broader
00:35:17 --> 00:35:17 than that,
00:35:17 --> 00:35:18 much broader.
00:35:19 --> 00:35:20 In the Old Testament,
00:35:20 --> 00:35:21 the fear of the Lord
00:35:21 --> 00:35:23 is a very common statement
00:35:23 --> 00:35:25 and the Hebrew word
00:35:25 --> 00:35:27 in that context
00:35:27 --> 00:35:29 carries the idea
00:35:29 --> 00:35:30 of a respect,
00:35:31 --> 00:35:31 an awe,
00:35:32 --> 00:35:32 a wonder.
00:35:32 --> 00:35:38 and in its strongest sense,
00:35:38 --> 00:35:40 the fear of the Lord
00:35:40 --> 00:35:41 in its strongest sense
00:35:41 --> 00:35:42 means that I am
00:35:42 --> 00:35:44 overwhelmed by something.
00:35:45 --> 00:35:46 I'm not cowering,
00:35:47 --> 00:35:48 I'm overwhelmed
00:35:48 --> 00:35:49 by something.
00:35:50 --> 00:35:52 I'm controlled
00:35:52 --> 00:35:52 by something.
00:35:54 --> 00:35:55 And the fear of the Lord
00:35:55 --> 00:35:57 in the Old Testament
00:35:57 --> 00:35:59 is to be overwhelmed
00:35:59 --> 00:36:02 with wonder
00:36:02 --> 00:36:04 before the greatness
00:36:04 --> 00:36:04 of God
00:36:04 --> 00:36:06 and his love.
00:36:06 --> 00:36:07 And so Exodus
00:36:07 --> 00:36:08 says,
00:36:08 --> 00:36:09 fear the Lord
00:36:09 --> 00:36:09 so you don't have
00:36:09 --> 00:36:10 to fear the Lord.
00:36:13 --> 00:36:14 What do you mean by that?
00:36:15 --> 00:36:16 It's be overwhelmed
00:36:16 --> 00:36:18 by his greatness
00:36:18 --> 00:36:18 and his majesty
00:36:18 --> 00:36:19 and his love
00:36:19 --> 00:36:20 and his covenant
00:36:20 --> 00:36:21 with you.
00:36:22 --> 00:36:23 Be overwhelmed
00:36:23 --> 00:36:23 by that.
00:36:23 --> 00:36:24 Don't take that
00:36:24 --> 00:36:24 for granted
00:36:24 --> 00:36:25 because if you do
00:36:25 --> 00:36:26 take that for granted,
00:36:26 --> 00:36:28 you will at some point
00:36:28 --> 00:36:29 in the future
00:36:29 --> 00:36:29 be cowering
00:36:29 --> 00:36:31 in his presence.
00:36:37 --> 00:36:38 His,
00:36:39 --> 00:36:40 be overwhelmed
00:36:40 --> 00:36:41 by his bright holiness
00:36:41 --> 00:36:43 and magnificent love
00:36:43 --> 00:36:45 means that you find him
00:36:45 --> 00:36:47 fearfully beautiful,
00:36:49 --> 00:36:50 wonderful,
00:36:51 --> 00:36:52 awesome
00:36:52 --> 00:36:53 in the truest sense.
00:36:55 --> 00:36:55 You see,
00:36:55 --> 00:36:56 that's why
00:36:56 --> 00:36:57 the more we experience
00:36:57 --> 00:36:58 God's grace
00:36:58 --> 00:36:58 and forgiveness
00:36:58 --> 00:36:59 in Jesus Christ,
00:37:00 --> 00:37:01 the more we experience
00:37:01 --> 00:37:02 a sense
00:37:02 --> 00:37:04 of a trembling awe
00:37:04 --> 00:37:05 and wonder
00:37:05 --> 00:37:07 before the greatness
00:37:07 --> 00:37:08 of all that,
00:37:08 --> 00:37:09 who he is
00:37:09 --> 00:37:09 and what he's done
00:37:09 --> 00:37:10 for us in Christ.
00:37:11 --> 00:37:12 The deeper you go
00:37:12 --> 00:37:13 into it,
00:37:13 --> 00:37:14 the greater the sense
00:37:14 --> 00:37:15 of majesty
00:37:15 --> 00:37:17 the gospel is.
00:37:18 --> 00:37:20 Romans 5,
00:37:20 --> 00:37:21 verses 6 to 8
00:37:21 --> 00:37:21 tells us
00:37:21 --> 00:37:23 the cost of God's
00:37:23 --> 00:37:24 love for us.
00:37:25 --> 00:37:28 When we were still
00:37:28 --> 00:37:28 powerless,
00:37:29 --> 00:37:30 Christ died
00:37:30 --> 00:37:32 for the ungodly.
00:37:33 --> 00:37:34 God demonstrates
00:37:34 --> 00:37:35 his own love
00:37:35 --> 00:37:36 for us in this.
00:37:37 --> 00:37:38 While we were still
00:37:38 --> 00:37:38 sinners,
00:37:38 --> 00:37:40 Christ died
00:37:40 --> 00:37:41 for us.
00:37:42 --> 00:37:44 And so for the spouse,
00:37:44 --> 00:37:46 holding past
00:37:46 --> 00:37:47 hurts against
00:37:47 --> 00:37:48 their spouse,
00:37:48 --> 00:37:50 the way we deal
00:37:50 --> 00:37:51 with our self-centeredness
00:37:51 --> 00:37:53 is to realize
00:37:53 --> 00:37:55 before the majesty
00:37:55 --> 00:37:56 of God,
00:37:56 --> 00:37:57 I am worthy
00:37:57 --> 00:37:58 of death.
00:38:00 --> 00:38:01 I'm an ungodly
00:38:01 --> 00:38:02 sinner.
00:38:05 --> 00:38:06 You see,
00:38:07 --> 00:38:07 one verse,
00:38:07 --> 00:38:08 and yet,
00:38:08 --> 00:38:09 one verse
00:38:09 --> 00:38:10 before this,
00:38:10 --> 00:38:10 we are told
00:38:10 --> 00:38:11 the Holy Spirit,
00:38:11 --> 00:38:12 the work of the Holy Spirit,
00:38:13 --> 00:38:14 is to pull
00:38:14 --> 00:38:15 the reality
00:38:15 --> 00:38:17 of God's love
00:38:17 --> 00:38:18 into our hearts
00:38:18 --> 00:38:19 in such a way
00:38:19 --> 00:38:20 that it fills up
00:38:20 --> 00:38:22 this hole
00:38:22 --> 00:38:23 that is in us.
00:38:26 --> 00:38:27 It's the thing
00:38:27 --> 00:38:27 that deals
00:38:27 --> 00:38:28 with the rejection
00:38:28 --> 00:38:29 that we feel,
00:38:29 --> 00:38:30 the hurts,
00:38:30 --> 00:38:31 the past hurts,
00:38:31 --> 00:38:32 the weariness,
00:38:32 --> 00:38:35 the protective layer
00:38:35 --> 00:38:35 that we put
00:38:35 --> 00:38:36 around our hearts,
00:38:37 --> 00:38:38 and it transforms us
00:38:38 --> 00:38:39 into the image
00:38:39 --> 00:38:39 of Jesus
00:38:39 --> 00:38:41 and gives us hope
00:38:41 --> 00:38:42 when life
00:38:42 --> 00:38:43 is difficult
00:38:43 --> 00:38:43 and marriage
00:38:43 --> 00:38:44 is hard.
00:38:45 --> 00:38:46 God's love
00:38:46 --> 00:38:47 has been poured
00:38:47 --> 00:38:49 out into our hearts
00:38:49 --> 00:38:50 through the Holy Spirit
00:38:50 --> 00:38:51 who's given to us.
00:38:54 --> 00:38:54 You see,
00:38:55 --> 00:38:56 when we understand
00:38:56 --> 00:38:57 this,
00:38:58 --> 00:38:59 we can now see
00:38:59 --> 00:39:01 why Paul introduces
00:39:01 --> 00:39:01 the subject
00:39:01 --> 00:39:02 of marriage
00:39:02 --> 00:39:04 with a summons
00:39:04 --> 00:39:05 to love each other,
00:39:06 --> 00:39:06 to submit
00:39:06 --> 00:39:07 to each other
00:39:07 --> 00:39:09 out of fear
00:39:09 --> 00:39:10 of Christ.
00:39:10 --> 00:39:13 because every single
00:39:13 --> 00:39:14 one of us
00:39:14 --> 00:39:14 come into
00:39:14 --> 00:39:16 these relationships
00:39:16 --> 00:39:17 driven by all kinds
00:39:17 --> 00:39:18 of fears
00:39:18 --> 00:39:19 and all kinds
00:39:19 --> 00:39:19 of desires
00:39:19 --> 00:39:20 and all kinds
00:39:20 --> 00:39:21 of needs.
00:39:22 --> 00:39:23 And if we think,
00:39:23 --> 00:39:24 which is often
00:39:24 --> 00:39:25 the,
00:39:25 --> 00:39:25 we do,
00:39:26 --> 00:39:26 and particularly
00:39:26 --> 00:39:28 around the looking
00:39:28 --> 00:39:29 for the perfect partner
00:39:29 --> 00:39:30 in the new
00:39:30 --> 00:39:31 marriage movement,
00:39:32 --> 00:39:34 we come into marriage
00:39:34 --> 00:39:36 thinking that marriage
00:39:36 --> 00:39:38 is going to correct
00:39:38 --> 00:39:40 our broken hearts
00:39:40 --> 00:39:41 to fill up
00:39:41 --> 00:39:42 the disorder
00:39:42 --> 00:39:43 of our hearts.
00:39:44 --> 00:39:45 Inevitably,
00:39:45 --> 00:39:46 we're using
00:39:46 --> 00:39:46 a spouse
00:39:46 --> 00:39:48 to meet my needs.
00:39:49 --> 00:39:50 We're not serving
00:39:50 --> 00:39:50 them at all.
00:39:51 --> 00:39:52 Only the love
00:39:52 --> 00:39:53 of God
00:39:53 --> 00:39:54 displayed in the death
00:39:54 --> 00:39:56 of the Lord Jesus Christ
00:39:56 --> 00:39:57 for our forgiveness
00:39:57 --> 00:39:58 being poured
00:39:58 --> 00:39:59 into our hearts
00:39:59 --> 00:40:01 through the Holy Spirit
00:40:01 --> 00:40:04 can fill up
00:40:04 --> 00:40:04 our need
00:40:04 --> 00:40:05 for love
00:40:05 --> 00:40:06 and acceptance
00:40:06 --> 00:40:07 and approval.
00:40:07 --> 00:40:08 I become a whole person
00:40:08 --> 00:40:09 in Christ.
00:40:10 --> 00:40:11 I'm safe
00:40:11 --> 00:40:12 in him
00:40:12 --> 00:40:13 which allows me
00:40:13 --> 00:40:14 to cross
00:40:14 --> 00:40:15 the demilitarization
00:40:15 --> 00:40:16 zone
00:40:16 --> 00:40:18 towards my spouse
00:40:18 --> 00:40:22 and love them.
00:40:23 --> 00:40:24 It's only Jesus
00:40:24 --> 00:40:26 who takes away
00:40:26 --> 00:40:27 that
00:40:27 --> 00:40:30 self-preservation
00:40:30 --> 00:40:32 protective layer
00:40:32 --> 00:40:33 from my heart.
00:40:34 --> 00:40:35 You see,
00:40:35 --> 00:40:35 that means
00:40:35 --> 00:40:36 that when
00:40:36 --> 00:40:40 how does that happen?
00:40:41 --> 00:40:42 We need to be
00:40:42 --> 00:40:43 so immersed
00:40:43 --> 00:40:44 in his teaching
00:40:44 --> 00:40:45 in his example
00:40:45 --> 00:40:46 and his sacrifice
00:40:46 --> 00:40:48 that those things
00:40:48 --> 00:40:49 what Christ
00:40:49 --> 00:40:50 has done for me
00:40:50 --> 00:40:51 what who I am
00:40:51 --> 00:40:51 in him
00:40:51 --> 00:40:52 the gospel
00:40:52 --> 00:40:54 dominate my
00:40:54 --> 00:40:55 inner life
00:40:55 --> 00:40:57 capture my
00:40:57 --> 00:40:57 imagination
00:40:57 --> 00:40:59 and simply
00:40:59 --> 00:41:00 bubble out
00:41:00 --> 00:41:01 spontaneously
00:41:01 --> 00:41:03 when we are
00:41:03 --> 00:41:04 faced with
00:41:04 --> 00:41:05 some kind
00:41:05 --> 00:41:05 of challenge.
00:41:07 --> 00:41:08 You see,
00:41:08 --> 00:41:09 my problem
00:41:09 --> 00:41:10 all those years
00:41:10 --> 00:41:10 ago
00:41:10 --> 00:41:11 with 1 Corinthians
00:41:11 --> 00:41:12 13
00:41:12 --> 00:41:12 was I was
00:41:12 --> 00:41:13 looking to
00:41:13 --> 00:41:13 preach it
00:41:13 --> 00:41:16 not looking
00:41:16 --> 00:41:17 to apply it.
00:41:19 --> 00:41:20 Looking to
00:41:20 --> 00:41:20 preach it
00:41:20 --> 00:41:21 not apply it.
00:41:21 --> 00:41:29 when we receive
00:41:29 --> 00:41:29 it means
00:41:29 --> 00:41:30 when we receive
00:41:30 --> 00:41:30 criticism
00:41:30 --> 00:41:32 as you would
00:41:32 --> 00:41:32 expect to
00:41:32 --> 00:41:33 as a flawed
00:41:33 --> 00:41:34 human being
00:41:34 --> 00:41:35 that criticism
00:41:35 --> 00:41:36 will never crush us
00:41:36 --> 00:41:39 because deep
00:41:39 --> 00:41:40 down inside of us
00:41:40 --> 00:41:40 we know that
00:41:40 --> 00:41:41 Jesus knows
00:41:41 --> 00:41:42 every single
00:41:42 --> 00:41:43 one of my
00:41:43 --> 00:41:43 flaws
00:41:43 --> 00:41:44 he knows
00:41:44 --> 00:41:44 every single
00:41:44 --> 00:41:45 one of my
00:41:45 --> 00:41:45 failings
00:41:45 --> 00:41:46 he knows
00:41:46 --> 00:41:46 every dark
00:41:46 --> 00:41:47 corner of my
00:41:47 --> 00:41:48 existence
00:41:48 --> 00:41:48 and my life
00:41:48 --> 00:41:50 he knows
00:41:50 --> 00:41:50 it right
00:41:50 --> 00:41:51 down to
00:41:51 --> 00:41:51 the depths
00:41:51 --> 00:41:52 of its
00:41:52 --> 00:41:53 darkness
00:41:53 --> 00:41:54 and its
00:41:54 --> 00:41:55 evil
00:41:55 --> 00:41:56 in a way
00:41:56 --> 00:41:56 that my
00:41:56 --> 00:41:57 spouse
00:41:57 --> 00:41:57 doesn't even
00:41:57 --> 00:41:58 know
00:41:58 --> 00:41:59 and yet
00:41:59 --> 00:42:00 he still
00:42:00 --> 00:42:00 went to
00:42:00 --> 00:42:01 the cross
00:42:01 --> 00:42:01 and died
00:42:01 --> 00:42:02 for me
00:42:02 --> 00:42:03 and he
00:42:03 --> 00:42:04 still loves
00:42:04 --> 00:42:04 me
00:42:04 --> 00:42:04 and he
00:42:04 --> 00:42:05 still
00:42:05 --> 00:42:05 accepted
00:42:05 --> 00:42:06 me
00:42:06 --> 00:42:06 completely
00:42:06 --> 00:42:09 there's
00:42:09 --> 00:42:09 my safety
00:42:09 --> 00:42:11 it also
00:42:11 --> 00:42:11 means that
00:42:11 --> 00:42:12 when we
00:42:12 --> 00:42:12 give
00:42:12 --> 00:42:13 criticism
00:42:13 --> 00:42:14 to our
00:42:14 --> 00:42:14 spouse
00:42:14 --> 00:42:14 we will
00:42:14 --> 00:42:15 do so
00:42:15 --> 00:42:15 with
00:42:15 --> 00:42:16 a gentleness
00:42:16 --> 00:42:17 and a
00:42:17 --> 00:42:18 patience
00:42:18 --> 00:42:19 because
00:42:19 --> 00:42:20 our
00:42:20 --> 00:42:20 whole
00:42:20 --> 00:42:21 inner
00:42:21 --> 00:42:21 world
00:42:21 --> 00:42:21 will be
00:42:21 --> 00:42:22 saturated
00:42:22 --> 00:42:23 with
00:42:23 --> 00:42:23 the
00:42:23 --> 00:42:24 sense
00:42:24 --> 00:42:25 of
00:42:25 --> 00:42:25 Jesus
00:42:25 --> 00:42:26 love
00:42:26 --> 00:42:26 and
00:42:26 --> 00:42:27 patience
00:42:27 --> 00:42:27 and
00:42:27 --> 00:42:27 gentleness
00:42:27 --> 00:42:28 with me
00:42:28 --> 00:42:29 I would
00:42:29 --> 00:42:30 be able
00:42:30 --> 00:42:31 to give
00:42:31 --> 00:42:31 the
00:42:31 --> 00:42:32 criticism
00:42:32 --> 00:42:33 with
00:42:33 --> 00:42:33 patience
00:42:33 --> 00:42:34 and kindness
00:42:34 --> 00:42:35 and love
00:42:35 --> 00:42:35 and mercy
00:42:35 --> 00:42:36 and tenderness
00:42:36 --> 00:42:38 because I'm
00:42:38 --> 00:42:39 not reliant
00:42:39 --> 00:42:39 upon my
00:42:39 --> 00:42:40 spouse
00:42:40 --> 00:42:40 to change
00:42:40 --> 00:42:41 to make
00:42:41 --> 00:42:41 me feel
00:42:41 --> 00:42:42 better
00:42:42 --> 00:42:48 now of
00:42:48 --> 00:42:49 course this
00:42:49 --> 00:42:49 doesn't
00:42:49 --> 00:42:49 mean
00:42:49 --> 00:42:51 that every
00:42:51 --> 00:42:52 time we're
00:42:52 --> 00:42:53 criticised
00:42:53 --> 00:42:54 our
00:42:54 --> 00:42:55 immediate
00:42:55 --> 00:42:56 response
00:42:56 --> 00:42:57 deep
00:42:57 --> 00:42:57 within our
00:42:57 --> 00:42:58 hearts
00:42:58 --> 00:42:58 is
00:42:58 --> 00:42:59 calmness
00:42:59 --> 00:42:59 and peace
00:42:59 --> 00:43:01 and
00:43:01 --> 00:43:02 Jesus
00:43:02 --> 00:43:03 loves me
00:43:03 --> 00:43:03 this I
00:43:03 --> 00:43:03 know
00:43:03 --> 00:43:04 for the
00:43:04 --> 00:43:04 Bible
00:43:04 --> 00:43:04 tells me
00:43:04 --> 00:43:05 so
00:43:05 --> 00:43:09 inevitably
00:43:09 --> 00:43:10 before the
00:43:10 --> 00:43:11 brain
00:43:11 --> 00:43:12 kicks in
00:43:12 --> 00:43:13 adrenaline
00:43:13 --> 00:43:14 does
00:43:14 --> 00:43:15 and the
00:43:15 --> 00:43:15 fight
00:43:15 --> 00:43:16 or the
00:43:16 --> 00:43:16 flight
00:43:16 --> 00:43:16 one
00:43:16 --> 00:43:17 kicks in
00:43:17 --> 00:43:18 as a
00:43:18 --> 00:43:19 response
00:43:19 --> 00:43:21 but deep
00:43:21 --> 00:43:22 down inside
00:43:22 --> 00:43:23 the person
00:43:23 --> 00:43:23 and work
00:43:23 --> 00:43:24 of Jesus
00:43:24 --> 00:43:25 will ultimately
00:43:25 --> 00:43:26 bring your
00:43:26 --> 00:43:26 strength
00:43:26 --> 00:43:27 strength
00:43:27 --> 00:43:29 we go
00:43:29 --> 00:43:29 there
00:43:29 --> 00:43:30 and he
00:43:30 --> 00:43:31 will lift
00:43:31 --> 00:43:31 us up
00:43:31 --> 00:43:33 and it
00:43:33 --> 00:43:33 takes
00:43:33 --> 00:43:34 years
00:43:34 --> 00:43:35 and years
00:43:35 --> 00:43:36 and years
00:43:36 --> 00:43:36 of reflection
00:43:36 --> 00:43:38 it requires
00:43:38 --> 00:43:39 disciplined
00:43:39 --> 00:43:39 prayer
00:43:39 --> 00:43:40 it requires
00:43:40 --> 00:43:41 the study
00:43:41 --> 00:43:41 of God's
00:43:41 --> 00:43:41 word
00:43:41 --> 00:43:42 because the
00:43:42 --> 00:43:42 Holy Spirit
00:43:42 --> 00:43:43 brings the
00:43:43 --> 00:43:43 word of God
00:43:43 --> 00:43:44 of the gospel
00:43:44 --> 00:43:44 into our
00:43:44 --> 00:43:45 hearts
00:43:45 --> 00:43:46 Bible study
00:43:46 --> 00:43:47 reading
00:43:47 --> 00:43:48 it takes
00:43:48 --> 00:43:49 innumerable
00:43:49 --> 00:43:50 conversations
00:43:50 --> 00:43:53 with friends
00:43:53 --> 00:43:53 and other
00:43:53 --> 00:43:54 Christians
00:43:54 --> 00:43:55 to gain
00:43:55 --> 00:43:56 a greater
00:43:56 --> 00:43:56 perspective
00:43:56 --> 00:43:58 on ourselves
00:43:58 --> 00:44:00 it takes
00:44:00 --> 00:44:00 dynamic
00:44:00 --> 00:44:01 congregational
00:44:01 --> 00:44:01 worship
00:44:01 --> 00:44:03 it takes
00:44:03 --> 00:44:03 all sorts
00:44:03 --> 00:44:04 of things
00:44:04 --> 00:44:04 but gradually
00:44:04 --> 00:44:05 bit by bit
00:44:05 --> 00:44:07 when we
00:44:07 --> 00:44:07 see ourselves
00:44:07 --> 00:44:08 more and more
00:44:08 --> 00:44:09 through the
00:44:09 --> 00:44:10 eyes of the
00:44:10 --> 00:44:10 gospel
00:44:10 --> 00:44:12 we also see
00:44:12 --> 00:44:12 others
00:44:12 --> 00:44:13 through the
00:44:13 --> 00:44:14 eyes of the
00:44:14 --> 00:44:14 gospel
00:44:14 --> 00:44:16 when the
00:44:16 --> 00:44:16 gospel
00:44:16 --> 00:44:17 the word
00:44:17 --> 00:44:17 of God
00:44:17 --> 00:44:18 dwells in
00:44:18 --> 00:44:18 our hearts
00:44:18 --> 00:44:19 richly
00:44:19 --> 00:44:19 as Colossians
00:44:19 --> 00:44:20 3 says
00:44:20 --> 00:44:21 we find
00:44:21 --> 00:44:21 the power
00:44:21 --> 00:44:22 to serve
00:44:22 --> 00:44:23 we find
00:44:23 --> 00:44:23 the power
00:44:23 --> 00:44:24 to give
00:44:24 --> 00:44:25 and to take
00:44:25 --> 00:44:26 criticism
00:44:26 --> 00:44:26 well
00:44:26 --> 00:44:28 to not
00:44:28 --> 00:44:28 expect
00:44:28 --> 00:44:29 our spouse
00:44:29 --> 00:44:29 or our
00:44:29 --> 00:44:30 marriage
00:44:30 --> 00:44:30 to meet
00:44:30 --> 00:44:31 our needs
00:44:31 --> 00:44:31 and to
00:44:31 --> 00:44:32 heal up
00:44:32 --> 00:44:32 all of
00:44:32 --> 00:44:33 our hurts
00:44:33 --> 00:44:35 the love
00:44:35 --> 00:44:35 of God
00:44:35 --> 00:44:37 as displayed
00:44:37 --> 00:44:38 through the
00:44:38 --> 00:44:38 sacrificial death
00:44:38 --> 00:44:39 of Jesus
00:44:39 --> 00:44:40 Christ
00:44:40 --> 00:44:41 for our
00:44:41 --> 00:44:42 forgiveness
00:44:42 --> 00:44:42 for our
00:44:42 --> 00:44:43 acceptance
00:44:43 --> 00:44:45 being poured
00:44:45 --> 00:44:45 constantly
00:44:45 --> 00:44:47 into the
00:44:47 --> 00:44:47 center of
00:44:47 --> 00:44:48 our hearts
00:44:48 --> 00:44:50 through the
00:44:50 --> 00:44:51 Holy Spirit
00:44:51 --> 00:44:51 through the
00:44:51 --> 00:44:52 word of God
00:44:52 --> 00:44:52 by the
00:44:52 --> 00:44:52 word of
00:44:52 --> 00:44:53 God
00:44:53 --> 00:44:55 is the
00:44:55 --> 00:44:55 power
00:44:55 --> 00:44:56 every
00:44:56 --> 00:44:57 marriage
00:44:57 --> 00:44:57 needs
00:44:57 --> 00:44:59 to
00:44:59 --> 00:44:59 flourish
00:44:59 --> 00:45:00 to
00:45:00 --> 00:45:00 finish
00:45:00 --> 00:45:01 to
00:45:01 --> 00:45:01 finish
00:45:01 --> 00:45:02 to
00:45:02 --> 00:45:02 finish
00:45:02 --> 00:45:02 !
00:45:02 --> 00:45:03 to
00:45:03 --> 00:45:03 finish